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Two

Published by Kelly October 27th, 2008 in Chloe Grace and Straight from the heart. 26 Comments

Yup…I am coming back with a sentimental post. My baby is almost two (Nov. 4) and with each passing birthday I think I am going to spiral into a emotionally nostalgic state looking at her hospital pictures, lamenting about the days where she lay curled into a little bean position sticking her bird tongue out cooing softly.

Having a little girl has been in my heart as far back as grade school. Many of you long time readers know that I used to have this doll, that was suppose to be for decoration on my bed, which I would roll up into a ball and shove under my nightgown and pretend to birth her night after night. How naive I was about the birthing process!

To my girl, my Chlo, my laughter,

You were born with the coolest raven colored mohawk, big soulful eyes that crinkle at the sides when you smile and an extremely laid-back disposition. Every first time moms dream baby and I got you!

Your arms and legs looked like a stack of marshmallows on a stake. You had rolls for miles and enough cheek to feed a third world country. You were my little tank that I couldn’t stop squeezing, hugging and kissing.

From your first little sprout I knew that you and I were going to share a girly bond. It is no secret that I am a sucker for clothes and hair. I have been known to spend some serious time agonizing over which outfits you should wear and what hairstyle would best define your outfit. Yes people, I am just that ridiculous and superficial! I realize you will grow to have your own style and opinions so I relish this time when I get to dress you however I want.

You are my first born and first girl. You may possibly be my only girl. Only God knows.

Until you become a parent I don’t think you can fathom the intense love that will overtake your heart and mind. A love that will wake you at 3:00am wondering if your baby is too warm, too cold, uncomfortable. You MUST go and check on them. A love that no matter how hard it is to go out on a date with your husband, you are still wondering how they are doing and you actually miss them for those few hours. A love that is committed through thick and thin.

I can stand on either soapbox on gender. I am thankful that God is allowing me to experience raising a son and a daughter. Today I am going to stand on my mother/daughter soapbox and lament. Chloe, I know it is possible for a mother and daughter to be best friends because Grammy and me are. To have a mother that loves you even when you make the biggest dumbass, immature, selfish, and harmful decisions and yet still chooses to love, accept, forgive and welcome you….now that is a deep buried treasure. I am one of the lucky ones in this world that gets to have an earthly mother who ruthlessly serves and gives of her time and talents to make my life easier expecting nothing in return (but a Mountain Dew!).
Grandma left this morning after being here all week and the sadness that sweeps over me every time we are apart set in. I have a real living example of how a healthy mother/daughter relationship can be. It isn’t that we didn’t have our share of baggage we had to work out to get to a healthy place together, we did some major counseling over the years. Grandma had to let me go on many occasions so that I could truly heal and become the Kelly God made me to be. She had to let me go when I married daddy knowing that Ryan would be my first priority now. I am thankful for the space she gave me, although it was painful at the time, I have come full circle to appreciate her more now than ever as mother to mother.

Chloe Grace, I hope I become half the woman that Grandma is to me. She prays for her family with fervor and desires only to leave a legacy of a woman who loved her family with her whole heart. She is a servants servant. I pray this is the relationship we grow up to have someday. Our own little world, talking until the wee hours of the morning, the first person you call when you are sad and the first person you call when you are happy. I am so glad that even at two you and I pray together every night, that we opening up the doors of spiritual intimacy early on. May I always point you to Christ but provide for you the earthly comfort and love that you need.

I can’t believe that two years of my life have gone by with you. To say you are our laughter is an understatement. You are quirky and fun in the most intriguing way. You are in your own little world and sometimes you invite us in and other times you just let us watch you. You are extremely bright conquering puzzles for 3 year olds, you know your alphabet and now are learning your numbers. You love to talk and have no fear trying to say new words. You are increasingly less frustrated now that you can communicate with us. You have an endless repertoire of animal noises which make us giggle every time you run down your list. You are finally coming back around with affection which melts my heart. I hated seeing you pull away after you learned to walk but explore you must and far be it for me to scoop you up to kiss you. You are ready to cuddle, hug and kiss again….so happy about this.

You have a fabulous sense of humor, you read facial expressions well and make a million of your own. You are not sensitive about being teased which is a relief to this family! You love being outside more than anything although books are still your favorite toy. You are extremely feminine in a lot of your mannerisms but have no problem getting dirty and sweaty which is a great balance.

I think you are beautiful, sometimes it overwhelms me that you are my daughter…we made you! From your profile, to your gorgeous locks and those soft chubby legs…..I just think you are perfect!

You are the completion of all that we prayed for, all that we hoped for and all that we received. I can not wait to see where your interest and talents grow over the next few years. I continue to pray for your future friends that you would be wise in choosing and you would learn early on what it is to be loyal and long suffering. These next two years are when you start to realize what a friend is and how to really play “with” someone. I pray that you are kind, gentle and selfless to those around you. Be that friend that sticks closer than a brother.

I love you my sweet angel, you are the best daughter I could ever imagine. We are blessed because of you.

Me plus you equals US

Published by Kelly August 6th, 2008 in Family, Straight from the heart and Uncategorized. 29 Comments

Today many dates are swimming around in my mind that I am thankful for.

I am thankful May 30, 1976 happened

ME!

I am thankful October 21, 1978 happened:

YOU!

I am thankful for Thanksgiving 2002 when I met you for the first time. (and the double high five was born)

I am thankful for June 23, 2004 happened:

US began to date

I am thankful for April 2, 2005:

US got “officially” engaged (picture during pregnancy…swollen sausage fingers)

I am thankful for August 7, 2005: ( I will get back to this date)

US got married

I am thankful for March 1, 2006:

US found out we made a baby!!!

The Stick Don't Lie

I am thankful for November 4, 2006:

US met Chloe Grace for the first time

I am thankful for September 13, 2007:

US found out shockingly that we were pregnant again

I am thankful for May 3, 2008:

US met Bennett Wade for the first time

So many significant dates since you and I got together. So many moments of jaw dropping awesomeness full of joy, tears, thankfulness and gratefulness at God’s incredible provision in our lives.

You know what’s funny Ryan? I was tooling around in your email yesterday (yes people we have an open relationship, even in our email accounts) Anyway, I noticed in one column there was a link for “Kelly’s email”. I thought you had set something up that would let you check my email from your account but when I clicked on it I realized it brought me to email archives from the fall of 2004, just a few months after we started dating.

Here is the thing. We are celebrating three official years of US today!

Three years full of incredibly tough trials and some amazing, jaw dropping moments.

Getting back to the emails. I thought it would be fun to read some of our conversations from so long ago. What struck me the most is how we talked to each other. Each email was riddled (almost ridiculously so) with gushing proclamations of our love for each other. How lucky we were to have each other, how we would do anything for each other. Love love love love love….we couldn’t emphasize it enough lest we go one day without knowing that you thought you were the luckiest guy in the world and me the luckiest woman.

I remember when we would sit on the couch, our limbs all entwined and we would talk about how we didn’t understand how couples stopped touching each other and “WE” would “NEVER” stop loving on each other.

It isn’t that things are different three years later. I do love you with my whole heart. I dig me some Ryan Michael. But do we think of each other with such love and admiration? When you walk through the door are we drawn to each other like two magnets? What changed and when did it happen?

I know people say having kids will change things…and that is definitely true. But it is sorta a cop out in some regards. It just means we have to work harder. Harder to touch, to connect, to think of thoughtful things to do for one another. I remember when we were dating and you worked at the coffee shop. I would drive over every morning before teaching and you would have my coffee perfectly made. You would walk out in your moccasins, your cords that made your butt look “real nice Clark” and your cool sweaters. You would give me my coffee, tell me you loved me and kiss me that great kiss that says…”I hate to stop doing this but we have to work!” I loved mornings then. I loved watching you walk across the parking lot, your mop of hair blowing, a big grin at the sight of me.

This last year has been tough for us in many ways. Shoot, three years and between us, three new jobs, two new homes, two new cars, two children, a new business, massive financial highs and lows…. A LOT! More than some people experience in ten years.

This year we were stretched to love each other even on days when we didn’t like each other. To remember that laughing together is much better than crying. You really are the man who gives me goose bumps with a single look. God is opening our hearts up in deeper and richer ways these last two months. He is refining us and holding a mirror up to our selfish hearts and showing us what a COMMITMENT to marriage looks like when we surrender to his best.

I love you Ryan. I love you when you tick me off. I love you when you leave your flip flops in the middle of the living room floor for the thousandth time. I love you when you cough and startle our sleeping children. I love you for all your quirks, imperfections, and growing pains. I love you because you deserve to be loved and because you love me. All of me. I am no picnic (lest my readers believe otherwise). I know I have high expectations for our home, our business, how our marriage should or should not be and you work so hard to be the father, husband and friend that I desire.

You are my laughter, my joy and my confidant. I can hardly stand being away from you for two nights before my heart starts to ache. You get me and you love me despite my quirks, imperfections and growing pains (and ever expanding booty). I am thankful for our three years. I am thankful that God continues to refine us separately and as a unit. We are learning to forgive quicker, listen more, and to love beyond what we could have dreamed.

I read those emails we wrote to each other and part of me goes “NAIVE!!!!” The other part of me smiles knowing we are capable of such love. We can verbally affirm and gush from our souls about how we feel about each other. Can we go back to those kinds of emails? Can we, can we???

I will start.

I love you SOOOOOOOOO much Ryan. You are the bestest, coolest, most awesomest husband and daddy ever. You always smell good, you have awesome eyes and eyelashes and your legs bring all the girls to the yard. I am so glad you are mine. I love how you love me and make sure that I know I am beautiful every day. You are my life partner and I couldn’t have dreamed of anyone better.

Happy third anniversary babe! I love you.

The ordinary, not the extraordinary

Published by Kelly July 3rd, 2008 in Bennett Wade, Chloe Grace, My chitlins and Straight from the heart. 32 Comments

First, before I launch into this post, let’s set the record straight. Bennett is no longer this…

Although that only lasted about five days. He is most definitely this….

Can you believe how much chub he has put on. Our little Alfred Hitchcock…but not a weirdo like him. The chins…they are out of control!

Okay, this is one of those posts…lots of pictures, lots of emoting. Choose now to scroll through and see pictures or commit to reading. The choice is yours.

I have had some great friends visit over the last few weeks including my very best friend Dikola. She left a couple days ago and before she left we had our usual time of prayer together. I think we could easily pray for an hour straight. She is my spiritual soul sister. One of the questions she asked me is how is my time with Jesus. Well, now…good question. The key word “TIME” is relative. Those of you with multiple kids, especially really young dependent kids know that your day is filled with the relatively simple and redundant tasks of feeding, changing, playing, comforting, picking up endless numbers of toys and sometimes actually taking a shower and getting ready. My life is no exception except at night I have the distinct pleasure of editing a butt load of photos, balancing our finances for our business and home, and making calls. I know, cue tiny violins. I can’t really complain because this is how I can stay home and be with my children and not have to work a 9-5 job. So I am very thankful for God’s provisions through Kellan.

Anyhoo, so my answer to her was… although times with the Lord are scattered at best, I have found that I am in a constant place of worship and thankfulness because of my kids. It may sound weird or cliche to some, but to others it will strike a cord.

It is hard to explain in words the depth of love I can feel when chubby little arms fling around my neck and a raspy little voice says, “Meh Ma” Nothing extraordinary about that moment, it is just a moment, a moment where this little girl that lived inside of me, came out and has become her own person decided that she wanted to give me a hug. God did that….for ME…so that I can see his goodness and love. He did that for ME. Ordinary? No.

I realize that we tend to tag our days as “good” or “bad”.
“Man those kid were hellions today. Didn’t listen to a thing, didn’t take good naps, threw a pitch fit in public….BAD DAY!” Is it though? Is the WHOLE day bad? Is it really based on behavior? Now I admit the day is definitely peppered with good moments and bad moments but I have realized lately when I turn off the TV, put down the computer, crawl onto the floor and I play with Chloe that I am speechless at who she is and who she is becoming.

Little hands that were once clenched little fists that she didn’t even know were attached to her body, now manipulate puzzle pieces. Dexterity and spacial skills growing by the day. She looks up at me excitedly, proud of herself and makes an elephant noise for emphasis.

What will these hands do in 10 or 20 years? Cure cancer, paint a masterpiece, dunk a basketball? What would thrill me more is if they would hold a Bible, raise in worship, clasp together in prayer, feed the poor, clothe the needy. That her hands would serve.

Now that is just me thinking about her hands. Can you imagine what I thank God for when I see her kiss her brother, walk over and share a toy, clap her hands when we sing praise songs at night, smile at a stranger, wave hi to a neighbor. Little moments of ordinary that are extraordinary to me.

Sometimes I think about how and when you start to love someone. It think back to Ryan and I. Because we were friends for years long before there was romance, I remember being impressed with ordinary acts of kindness that Ryan would do for others. Driving people home, buying meals for people that didn’t have money, taking the time to talk to people that others would easily pass over, never ever ever being late for work, he is always polite, considerate, ethical, and just plain nice. Let me tell you, he was 110% different from the guys I was dating. The love I felt for him was a gradual build. He didn’t climb Mount Everestt or make the baseball hall of fame. He just wowed me with the ordinary. When we have rough seasons in our marriage, I dwell on these truths about him because they are who he is at the core of things and they trump any crappy bump in the road of life we may be working through.

Not to beat a dead horse, you all are smart enough to know where I am going with this. Can I be honest? I mean it is my blog. I find most mommy blogs boring. GASP….but I do. Unless you are related to my kids….nobody wants to read about the little milestones, what they are eating, how they are pooping and sleeping. Have I written about these things…absolutely (my parents don’t live here…and they do care about these things.) I guess I find them boring when that is all that can be talked about. Were you not your own person with your own interests just a few years ago before you had kids. Is there not more about your life and kids, richer, deeper things you can share. Can you not laugh more and poke fun at the silly things that happen during the day?

Can I recommend something? Journal to your children. Even if they are 7 years old, it is never too late. I only write in Chloe and Bennett’s every few months. I just tell them what they are doing, learning, and accomplishing. I talk to them about how I feel about them, what I am praying for, how much I love them and what I am learning as their mom.

My mom wrote a few letters while she was pregnant and they are a treasure to me. To know what she was thinking, feeling, and dreaming about with me in the womb. I wish she had written more.

My last thing is to focus on the ordinary with your children but pray for the extraordinary. I am going to share one snippit of an entry in Bennett’s journal. This was the first time I wrote to him after I found out we were pregnant. I didn’t know if he was a boy or girl and frankly I was still in shock I was pregnant again. I opened up his journal and asked God to reveal to me the things I should pray for this specific child. This is what he showed me.

October 25, 2007

I pray you are humble, putting others first, giving God glory for any and all accomplishments

I pray you are not easily offended or angered but quick to listen and quick to forgive

I pray you have a sweet spirit, you laugh easy, speak with grace, not judgmental

I pray you have a humanitarians heart. That you see the world and your potential to help those less fortunate and you would go wherever God asks

I pray you have a great sense of humor, you look at the lighter side of life

I pray that you would have a strong sense of family. That you would love your sister as one of your best friends. That you would trust daddy and me and that we would give you the space and freedom you need to grow into your own person, but the love you need to always come home.

Lastly, and most importantly, I pray you would love the Lord God with all of your heart, mind, soul and strength and recklessly follow his leading.

So those are my specifics for Bennett. I hope that encourages you and gives you ideas of how you can pray into your children’s character. To see them as future adults and not just praying into the age they currently are. I don’t know one person who doesn’t pray for a baby that is a good eater and great sleeper…kinda a gimme…so think beyond that.

One more thing to confirm God’s blessing on an act like this. One of the things God laid on my heart was to pray that Bennett would be willing to go and serve wherever. This, again, was before we knew what gender he was or even had a name picked. Guess what his name means.

Bennett Wade…..”Blessing, To go” ….coincidence? I think not! I had no idea what his name meant when we picked it, just wanted a good family name. But God did. I love that his name confirms my prayers for his character.