Hi. My name is Amanda and I am a Guest Blogger. (Now you say, “Hi, Amanda.”)
Truth be told, this is my very first guest blogging gig and I am quite honored and very
excited.
(From Kelly- I know this is blurry, but I had to steal it from her flickr because she is so darn cute)
As Kelly mentioned in her last post, we are pretty certain that we were separated at birth,
so strong is our connection. We laugh at the same pervy sort of jokes, quote lines from the
same kind of junior high-esqe movies, and we both have a slight case of J-Lo booty-itis.
(Girls with big bums unite! Who’s with us? We could start a club! And get t-shirts made!
They could say, “I’m Being Followed…By A Jiggly Bum.”) I found Kelly via Whoorl’s link list and it was love at first sight.
As you all know, her photos are breathtaking, her
humor is gut-busting, and her little girl is so adorable it makes me itch.
So, there you have it. I love Kelly and Kelly loves me and she has asked me to scoop of this
poor, forgotten blog of hers and give it some tender loving. She’s been so busy with the
insanity of selling and buying a home and, I don’t know, GROWING A BABY IN HER BELLY while
chasing after Chloe, so here I am to gently caress Filtering Life and tell it that we still
love it. Because we do, right? That’s what I thought.
I am a guest here today and as such I feel like I should bring a little something. You know
how when you’re a guest at someone’s home, it’s nice to bring a little hostess gift? I
usually bring a jar of homemade antipasto. Last year I spent an entire day with my
mother-in-law chopping olives, cauliflower, mushrooms, and other weird ingredients to make
antipasto because I thought it would be a nice gift to give. I ended up with a couple dozen
jars of the stuff and I was stoked. It was my first time canning and I felt like a domestic
goddess. A few days later I was invited to a little party and was so excited to show up at
the door and eagerly greet the hostess with my special little jar of homemade antipasto!
The night of the party came and I tenderly retrieved a jar of my prized goods and when I
arrived at the party I proudly handed it to the hostess. She exclaimed, “Thanks!” but with
feigned enthusiasm. That is when I realized that there are two kind of people in this world:
Antipasto Lovers and Antipasto Haters. She cracked open the jar and set it on the table
amongst the other appetizers and not a single person touched it all night! People would
walk by it, take a sniff, then wrinkle their noses in disgust. I couldn’t believe it. Then
someone had the nerve to smugly ask, in front of everyone, “Who brought the antipasto?” I
sheepishly raised my hand. Then they LAUGHED AT ME. Jerks. Apparently the party was
attended only by the cruel people group known as Antipasto Haters. Oh, it was a sad night.
As I was leaving, the hostess returned my untouched jar, as if to say, “We have no place for
this here. Please remove it from my home.”
Since that fateful day I have learned that it’s best to ask beforehand if your hostess likes
antipasto or not, because some of them really, really do. It seems that those who love
antipasto adore it with as much intensity as those who hate it, despise it. I have seen
hostesses leap for joy and babble on about all the exciting experiences they have had whilst
eating antipasto (totally not kidding here) and how honoured they are that I’ve given them
another opportunity for such a thrill.
So there you have it. Antipasto can either be a deal breaker or a deal maker. Use it
wisely.
In this holiday season, I’m sure you’ll be invited to parties galore and I’m just wondering
what you usually bring as a hostess gift. Classy bottle of wine? Random stale chocolates
from the drug store? Or do you spend time making something homemade? Fill me in! Give me
some ideas, because my antipasto stash is getting low and I don’t think I’m going to make it
EVER AGAIN. The wounds still run so deep.
More specifically, what hostess gift will you greet Kelly with when she opens the doors of
her new home to all of us, her loyal readers, when she invites the whole lot of us for a
housewarming party at her new pad? I plan to give her a sleeping bag. I’ll hand it to her
and say, “Thanks for inviting me. Now, go unroll this bag on your new couch because I’m
staying for a month because we’re LONG LOST SISTERS!”
Thanks for letting me crash this blog party! If you are ever looking for a guest blogger
for your blog, you know where to find me. Today, antipasto. Tomorrow, the world.
From Kelly- Amanda, you are the best! Thank you for throwing my blog a lifeline. I owe you big time. I promise to keep you in the will. Butt slaps to you Firecakes!
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