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A sea of randomness….

Published by Kelly August 25th, 2008 in Apparently someone thinks I'm cool, Bennett Wade, Chloe Grace and For Kicks and Giggles. 30 Comments

Pssst…..I’m here and I am about to download an amazing amount of randomness upon you. Just think of me as that Starbucks coffee splurge. Grande size! It is warm and good and you don’t know how it comes together, but you are glad it is here and you look forward to the next time you get one. You can’t have one every day or you would get spoiled. See that is why I don’t blog every day…I don’t want to spoil you or burn your tongue. So nice of me. Too abstract of a comparison? Yeah, well….me no sleepy in long time.

Okay, buckle your seat belts! If I get to be too much, your exits are located above, kindly known as the “back arrow” or if you are really confused with this post then click the red “X” and forget it ever happened.

Where to start (cracks knuckles).

First of all, just when you thought you heard the words “Kellan Studios” too much. I will briefly make note of a very cool honor bestowed by my friend and lovely Canadian blogger, known as Dutch Blitz, who is the lead editor for the Arts & Design Channel for BlogNosh. We were given our very own shout-out highlighting our business. So go check it out, how fun is that? Thank you Angella, we are so honored!

Speaking of Canadians….Angella’s friend and neighbor and my besternet friend, Amanda “Kickyboots” Brown, sent Bennett two awesome gifts from Etsy. Sorry for the blurry shot, had my shutter speed a bit slow.

Amanda, Bennett will do that onesie proud. I mean who will say no to these eyes? You are the coolest…I will hit you back when your second sweetie enters the world.

Okay, now I am off to dispel a nasty rumor ( I am embarrassed to say that I spelled rumor “roomer” for 1 second and then scratched my head and wondered why that looked wrong. Man I am more tired than I think!)

Every time I post a picture of my house I get comments like:

“Where are the toys?” “How do you keep things so neat with two kids?” “I could never keep my house clean all the time”

ARE YOU SERIOUS???? Do you really think I live that way? I wish. I would have to put Chloe in a straight jacket if I wanted to keep my house perfect. So not going to happen. When I take a picture of a room it is during nap time so I can pick every thing up just for a few brief moments. Why would I take a picture of a room in chaos? So I thought, what the heck. You want to see what our Monday morning looked like?

I didn’t touch a thing…this was completely organic. Laundry, toys, Chloe with her disheveled morning hair. If you cut me I bleed. Don’t go feeling bad about your house being in chaos and glorify mine…so not the truth! Yes I LOVE order and cleanliness…but not when my kids are awake. The second they go to sleep it is all whisked away into baskets and closets.

Let’s talk about my kids. My kids who absolutely make me smile from sun up to sun down, I freaking love them!!!! I love them so much I blow up their pictures to ridiculous proportions…..

My homage to Bennett. Ryan thought it was a bit much….why not have a giant picture of your kids? I see nothing wrong with it.

Speaking of Bennett. Being freakishly tall and strong catapults you out of infancy really really fast and you are able to do way more than your average four month old. We broke out the jumper a few weeks ago and now we have our very own Tigger. It is hilarious to watch him. I so wish our bodies had sound effects. I want his legs to make the noise “doing, doing, doing” every time he springs up. But alas…they do not.

Look at him. A man, his swing and his thoughts.

closer

looks like he rode his horse all night.

I asked Chloe to give him a kiss. This is as close as she got to him making the “MMMMMM” sound of a kiss. Close, but no cigar!

Can we take a moment of silence for Chloe’s beautiful hair?

I mean..the curls and highlights and this is after being slept on all night! The next Pantene girl? Maybe?

I mean this was almost one year ago to the day.

Her hair has grown so much in a year!

So we have finally entered the world of talking. It is AWESOME….she is ridiculously funny and now I understand how parents are the only ones that can understand their kids. There are moments where I would love to buy a vowel or get another consonant, but usually in context I can figure out what she is saying.

She says Amen and raises her hand “AHH MEAN”. She says Jesus like a southern baptist pastor “JEEE-SUS”. I love it!

She says all of her colors, but our favorite is the color yellow. She says it “LELLLL-OOO” and her mouth looks like this.

She has an amazing range from low and raspy to high pitched and breathy. This kid is my laughter.

Okay so I saved the best for last. This is not everyone’s humor, but it is 110% our humor. I got a bunch of books while digging through a pile of crap someone dumped on the side of the road (long story for later) anyway, I didn’t really pay attention, just thought “BOOKS….Chloe loves books”. Well after going in the basement to pull some of them out I came across this gem. Oh man oh man…..it is called “Once Upon a Potty” the boy edition.

I must say that I have never ever read a potty training book but I would bet money this is one of the most graphic. I mean I am all about calling a spade a spade….but…this has to be the most hilarious book I have ever seen about potty training. No stone left unturned, no question not answered…let there be no doubt how it works and where it comes from.

This is the story of Joshua and how he learned to use the potty. I am so glad they clarified what this hole is for.

Ryan and I were laughing until we were crying.

Still confused, let me show you another page.

Oh Joshua…you coiled one next to the pot and not in it!!!! That is nasty. Is anyone else confused why they are using a pot? This book isn’t that old.

One more for the road. This is the page following the one where Joshua feels the urge to poop so he remembers to go to the pot and he…..

YEAH JOSHUA!!!!! You did it!

I wish I had the time to photograph all the pages, maybe I will give you a transcript and spare you the very detailed illustrations.

So anyway, that either made you laugh, smile, make a disgusted face or erase me from your feed reader. Remember you had the back arrow and “X” option and you didn’t take it! You can only blame yourself.

Okay, off to continue to watch Gilmore Girls….I am hooked. Erin and Joy…you were right and you know what? Ryan is hooked! He isn’t requesting it, but he doesn’t mind me playing episode after episode. We even watched about four episodes in bed on Sunday afternoon on the laptop. I rolled over and giggled and told him he was the best girlfriend I ever had! He didn’t find that as amusing as I did.

Okay, that’s all I got…but man…that was a lot!

A little humiliation goes a long way

Published by Kelly July 27th, 2008 in Bennett Wade, For Kicks and Giggles, Life Changes and Uncategorized. 23 Comments

Who knew pipe cleaners could be so fun and humiliating? I did.

I decided to introduce a nice “quiet time” activity with Chloe…pipe cleaners! I dazzled her with my ornate butterflies, made miniatures of our family, even this lovely bouquet of flowers! (she jacked them up, they looked much better before her grubby little paws ruined my masterpiece).

Lo and behold….her favorite thing I wielded was a nifty little fork and spoon. She pretended to eat everything in our house from the pillows to her books. She makes the most hilarious chomping noise with each bite. Already pretending….love it!

For the piece de resistance. I molded some amazing glasses for Chloe. She let them touch her face for .0000008 seconds. Poor sport.

Who can I get to wear them, who can I get to wear them…think, think, think.

I see a little boy with no muscle tone or eye hand coordination. He can’t push the glasses off his face. In fact, he will probably sit there and be the perfect little model of goofiness! Oh Bennett….mommy needs you.

YES…hold it, hold it….

Mommy is not crying because she is sad…mommy is crying because she is laughing so hard.

Don’t be embarrassed, the ladies love the specs…mommy wouldn’t lie to you or humiliate you.

Now what other suckers do I know. Oh yeah, my husband. You only have to ask Ryan twice to do anything and he folds like a deck of cards.

Oh Ryan….it would be so funny if you put these “adult” size glasses on for me and let me take a picture and put it on my blog. I think you can totally pull them off.

Whoa…dial down the creepy.

Better, but you look like you are passing gas.

Now that is what I’m talking about. Straight sexy.

Hope you enjoyed my two men. The slight blur on each shot is due to me laughing like a hyena while taking the pictures. Happy Monday!!!

Please stop by the Kellan Blog where I pay homage to my “true love”….my shoes!

here is a teaser…..

Me, glorious ME!

Published by Kelly July 18th, 2008 in For Kicks and Giggles and Kellyisms. 33 Comments

Seeing as I have the think tank the size of a gnat lately….I just can’t come up with any topics. I know it is a common blogging practice to write 100 things about yourself. I honestly don’t know if i can up with 100 titillating (oh man….love that word…WINK!) things about myself. But if you really do want to know because you are writing a book or regularly stalk me and my family…well here you go.

1. I am a horrible speller. A world without spell check would be disastrous. Like my first sentence in this post where I spelled gnat with a “k” instead of a “g”. Yes, I am THAT bad! Michigan education failed me!
2. I am massively computer illiterate. I was on the cusp of the computer being madatory for college….like you might have been required to have one internet source for a research paper….I never really learned and I am a total technology mooch off my husband.
3. I am a trend whore, ( although I will never, EVER pull off skinny jeans and I am not stupid enough to try) I get bored so easily and always want the next fashion. Thank God for Target and TJ Maxx…I can make a cheap version of most things.
4. Decorating makes me very very happy
5. I care much more about E News than CNN News.
6. I have five tattoos. You can imagine how happy that makes my parents. Only one is visible to the public on my left foot. It says “He leadeth me”. My stomach has a butterfly (how cliche) with the Greek word for “redeemed”, my back was three sittings and has vines and flowers and a Christian fish with the Hebrew word “righteous” and my left ribs have a sun thing with the sign of the trinity in it.

7. I only regret my rib and back tattoo.
8. I actually used to love my stomach (pre babies…dang babies…DANG DANG babies.) It was the one area on my body genetically small and easy to maintain.( I know…don’t hate me) Go one inch below and it is a different story. I miss it…..a lot.

9. I always wished I was 3 inches taller. I am 5′2″…but 5′5″ seems easier to buy clothes.

10. I love doing Chloe’s hair and I am secretly way more excited than her to play dress up and Barbies….I can’t wait till she is old enough
11. I lived 9 years in Michigan, 9 years in New York and 14 in Virginia, but will always consider myself a northerner even though you couldn’t pay me to move North again.
12. I don’t enjoy breastfeeding AT ALL…but I know it is best for my babies and isn’t forever.
13. I have traveled to Czech Republic, Germany, Austria, Kyrgystan, Kazahkstan, Turkey, Northern Cyprus, Southern Cyprus, Mexico, Venezuala,Dominican Republic, Pureto Rico, and of course Canada. Love me some Canadians…you guys are some faithful readers.
14. I would love to be paid to travel and write travel guides on the best places to go, eat, and be entertained. Anyone, anyone…want to fund this dream?
15. I do crack myself up and think I am darn funny. (Does that sound conceited? I hope not)
16. Blogging was an obsession the first year, after I let it go…my site grew!
17. I love my hair and I am sad I cut it…VERY VERY sad. It will be a long year growing it out.

18. I cry when I watch Extreme Home Make Over. Really anytime someone is down and out or has a disability and something awesome happens to them. It makes my heart so happy.
19. I think people with Down Syndrome are adorable.
20. My favorite color is green…but orange and red make me very happy.
21. I have spinal degeneration so I have not slept a whole night through since I was 20 years old…that is 12 years of getting up all night long to adjust or pee. I miss sleep and wish it wasn’t so hard for me.
22. I hated going to bars. I felt dirty and desperate. I would much rather stay home.
23. I find guys more fun to be around than girls….I think it was because I only had a brother who was fun and funny to be around. Girls are too catty and serious most of the time. LIGHTEN UP!!!!!
24. I get a little rush of excitement when I splurge on a People or US magazine.
25. I have over 100 pairs of shoes. But I haven’t hardly bought any new ones since having children.
26. I am not into real jewelry.(minus my wedding ring) I would rather have Gadzooks plastic jewelry anytime.
27. I have a hard time receiving gifts.
28. I am a horrible gift giver…I can NEVER think of something someone would want when it is their birthday.
29. I think my husband is sexy when he throws a baseball or football.
30. I wish my ankles were smaller
31. I am a boy when it comes to movie taste. My favorite movie is “Braveheart” followed by Gladiator and Saving Private Ryan.
32. I wish I could learn how to dance like they do on So You Think You Can Dance. I should have stuck to dancing and not gymnastics.

33. I know nothing about car brands. I say, “the red car” or the “big black truck”. Doesn’t interest me. I would be horrible guessing prices on the Prices Is Right for vehicles.
34. I am very discerning about people and can figure out the real “issues” immediately, especially when it comes to their past and their relationships.
35. Most people don’t want to hear the truth, so I have to keep my mouth shut or it gets me in trouble.
36. I am easily annoyed but almost impossible to offend

37. I am very good at impersonating people, horrible at accents, wonderful at writing stories, terrible at telling stories or jokes.
38. I give too many details when I talk.
39. My favorite number is 11
40. I am still insecure when I think about my high school years.
41. I love to read and miss having time to devour a good book
42. I love doing photography with my husband.
43. I sleep with a body pillow every night that has a brown pillow case and we call it my “Poop pillow” or my “Turd”. That word is hilarious. Turd Ferguson anyone….anyone?
44. Josh Lucas is my Hollywood crush.
45. These were my favorite jeans of all time before I ripped the crap out of them stepping off a ladder. RIP jeans.

46. The only veggie I can’t stomach is mushrooms…GAGGGGGGG!
47. I had salmonella poisoning and a parasite all at the same time.
48. i lost 32 pounds because my small intestine shut down
49. I was glad I got sick, it took off all of my college and depression weight and all I had to do was poop a lot! Not a bad gig.
50. I hate not having a tan.
51. This is a picture that Ryan took of me back in 2004 where he knew he wanted to date me.

52. This is one of my favorite pictures of Ryan and I. It makes me smile everytime I see it.

53. I did my own hair on my wedding day because the stylist screwed it up.
54. I want to write a book, but I don’t know about what
55. I love having a really really ridiculously tall husband (6′6″) and I still get amazed when he can touch things that are really high up. Never gets old.
56. I am fairly certain I could survive on the following foods: cheese puffs, cheese, cream cheese, chocolate, caramel, coffee, bacon, steak, mashed potatoes, ….can I go back to bacon. YUM!
57. I think Sandra Bullock could play me in a movie.
58. I wish Dwight Schrute was real and lived next door to me.
59. I have a hard time being serious in a photo.

60. If I could bottle Chloe’s laugh and Bennett’s chatter and sell it, I would be rich. It could melt an iceberg.
61. I sing out loud all day long. I love to sing. Let’s hope my children like my voice.
62. My fingernails are really strong and can grow really long
63. I wish I could experience living in different environments like a major city, internationally, on the ocean, in the mountains, and on a boat.
64. My heart comes alive when I am doing missions work. I love serving overseas.
65. Sarcasm is my middle name….or it should be. I don’t understand people who are literal.
66. I have a compulsion about the couch cushions. I straighten them a million times a day even if I am going to come right back and sit down on them. OCD maybe?
67. I love my daughters butt. It is so cute and bouncy…it makes me laugh when she runs.
68. I had two surgeries on my left calf to remove a massive birthmark. One when I was 7 the other half when I was 13. I have a 9 inch scar on my calf and part of my muscle was removed so it looks a little funky.
69. My favorite form of exercise is swimming.
70. J-Lo and I have something in common…but i just can’t put my finger on it.

71. There is not much I won’t share about myself or not say.
72. I like being silly, even at 32.
73. I have never been to a real music concert.
74. I wish I had the guts to try out for a musical
75. I wouldn’t know what to do with an IPhone
76. I think Chloe looks like me as a wee one

77. I LOVE being a mom and my kids are the shiznit, but some days are boring if I have to be honest. I am looking forward to them being a little bit older so we can do more.
78. Being a special ed teacher for children with autism was so hard and SO interesting.
79. The only poster I ever owned was of Kirk Cameron ( I am obviously a teen from the 80’s)
80. I always wonder how people describe me when I am not around. “You know Kelly, she is…..”
81. I wish I wasn’t so afraid to try new things
82. i want to sky dive
83. I hate my profile (My crescent moon face)
84. I love the smell of coffee, fresh bread, laundry detergent, peonies, and a good sale
85. I have a really really hard time with emotionally needy people, arrogant people and mean/inconsiderate people.
86. I suck at napping. I probably only take 10 naps a year. I wish I could turn my brain off to sleep during the day.
87. When I smile really big I show a lot of gum. I call it my “horse smile”
88. I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome which makes for some GREAT stories. Just not funny at the time.
89. I think farting is hilarious and can smoke Ryan out any day.
90. I find my kids to be incredibly cute, devilishly sweet and funny and the biggest blessing ever to happen to me
91. I have a husband that loves me no matter what. It blows my mind sometimes. He is awesome
92. My life is different than what I thought it would be and yet it is exactly as it should be.
93. I would love to know what people will say at my funeral someday
94. I know how to laugh at myself

95. I love Ryan’s legs…he has great calves.
96. I have a fear of drowning, being set on fire, or suffocated. Gives me the heebie geebies.
97. I consider myself to be really well rounded and able to talk to anyone from any walk of life.
98. I am a born sales woman.
99. I laugh A LOT! My crows feet are proof.

100. I was able to come up with 100 things you may have found boring, enlightening, interesting or egotistical. Nobody made you read! Care to leave five interesting facts about yourself.

Told you so

Published by Kelly July 8th, 2008 in For Kicks and Giggles and My chitlins. 22 Comments

Deanna and Jesse sitting in a tree, K-I-SS-I-N-G. First comes friendship, then comes kissing, THEN comes proposal. Wow. What an ending. They totally edited the first hour to look like Jesse was a total numnut at Deanna’s parents house. The dad would ask a question and Jesse would sit there with a nervous face and then they would cut to the next scene. Ummm…hello…can we at least hear how he answered. We got the point that he was nervous and checked his personality at the door…but come on, give us a fair shot at how the day really went.

The Jeremy segment…kinda awkward, kinda sad, kinda…well…awkward. Especially his crouched down move after he left the house. You think he is bawling his eyes out but he is just crouched down acting like he is crying. It’s a little word I like to call “CLOSURE”. So did the “Men tell all” episode happen before or after he talked to her again in Malibu? Because he asked her the same questions there as he did in that episode. Weird, don’t get that whole segment. Buzz kill during three terrific hours.

So yeah, not much to say but that I am genuinely happy for them, I feel terrible for Jason. That was very shocking and he is top shelf sweetness, so a broken heart is so terrible to hand anyone. Who knows, maybe he will be the next Bachelor. The show has totally redeemed itself. It was really really decent this season. (can’t say as much for Matt/Shane…or I mean Matt and Monkey…just can’t get into them)

Moving on.

Thank you for all your wonderful comments from my last post. I need to respond to a few of you, especially those that really opened up or commented for the first time. Thank you.

I wanted to give you a little eye candy on this fine Tuesday afternoon. On Sunday morning while Ryan and I were getting our coffee I came back into the living room to a couch full of the most scrumptious little people in the world. You can see everyone is in the early…EARLY…morning stupor. My heart smiled. This is my FAMILY. It never gets old and it never stops amazing me. Three years ago I lived in an apartment with a roommate. Now I own a home, married with two children. BLINK!

Sorry for the grainy shots. It was dark in there and I didn’t want to bother with the external flash.

Do you love the new pillows I FINALLY finished. My poor sewing machine is lonely in the closet. Such a pain to set it up and tear it down between naps. This is the fabulous IKEA material I got many moons ago for the dining room curtains and to recover a bench. LOVE IT. Totally ties the two rooms together.

Hey sweet cheeks, going my way?

Chloe looks like a little elf when her ears poke through her hair. I wonder if smiling is her favorite? Apparently, not that morning.

This dollar store foam puzzle has become her obsession. To the point I am ready to hide it. I can’t decide if it is the best dollar I ever spent or the worst because she pesters you all day to put it together and take it apart a million times. She is finally starting to talk this last week (outside of her 10 words she has said for months). The puzzle has Disney princesses on it. She calls Cinderella “rella” and if you can imagine a bunch of marbles in her mouth, then you would clearly hear the word Air-el for Aerial. I wouldn’t have gotten it if her chubby little pointer finger wasn’t violently poking the Aerial piece. Now I get how parents can understand their kids but nobody else can.

Hey Bennett, did you eat a doorknob for breakfast. It is official. This is the worst possible angle to photograph your children at. His zipper is all jacked up and it looks like an alien is popping out of his chest to eat all his chins. At least that is the image that pops into my mind, you?

Fourth of July was pretty low key. We are in the process of painting our house on the outside. I know..I just love to sit around and do nothing! So we have converted the hideous early 90’s hunter green trim and cedar shakes into a wonderful sorta mushroom brown. We bought shutters and painted and hung those. SOOOOOO much better. My little home is turning into the cottage I have in my head. In another year it should be just about magazine worthy. I love my house, I LOVE IT!

We worked all afternoon on the porch so we had some neighbors over to grill out and watch the fireworks from our front porch. Who knew when we bought it that we could see the city’s fireworks off our porch….five dollar view.

UNFORTUNATELY…it was a very hazy day so they shot them really low in the sky so we barely saw an edge of a firework. How sad.
As boys would be boys, our neighbor brought over a stash of fireworks to light on our lawn. We were THOSE neighbors. Instantly, Ryan and the other guys turned into 12 year olds shooting them at each other and having contests. I don’t get it.

FIRE + STUPIDITY = BURNS

Nobody got seriously hurt but there was some contact with flesh and fire.

I had to lay down the mommy hammer once they started shooting the firecrackers into the sewer drains so it sounded like a cannon was going off. Do you think the guys would have been the ones comforting the waking crying children?

Lastly in this fascinating post of randomness. We are apparently Nest Farmers. I mean our ferns seem to attract every egg laying bird in the county. We pull one of these nests out of our ferns every 1-2 weeks. Anyone interested in purchasing a real live nest?

That’s all I got.

Another round bartender

Published by Kelly June 18th, 2008 in Apparently someone thinks I'm cool, For Kicks and Giggles, Photoganza and Uncategorized. 19 Comments

For those of you who haven’t been scowering my Flickr account…then these pictures will seem new to you. I usually upload my pictures and then quickly write a post…however, I went to Richmond to visit my parents an hour after uploading and here it is two days later and I am just getting around to writing a post. Oh well….

For the last few years on my birthday I have gotten my girlie friends together to go out to my favorite restaurant for dessert and wine. I love getting dressed up and getting as many of my favorite gals around me as possible. No formal parties or presents needed, I am getting too old for parties, I would much rather have a total girls night.

This year I thought it would be fun to have a shin dig at my new place. The house we bought is an old 1920’s Craftsman style home. We have a really huge porch that is just begging to be broken in. So I sent out the invites for the girls to don their best cleavage baring dresses and come on over for lots of this.

My very talented friend, Candace, (check out her decorating skillz….) came over to help me decorate and make her famous cupcakes. Everyone brought over a bottle of wine and an appetizer or dessert. There were some GOOD EATS!!! Can I just mention that 75% of my guests were pregnant or breastfeeding. Let’s just say Bennett got formula that night, mama was going to have some wine…period!

The color scheme was teal, red and pink. Check it out.

OOOHHHHH Cupcakes!!!!

Panera bread with olive oil and balsamic vinegar. YUMMMMMMY in my tummy.

Who wants to help me clean up?

What a trooper Can, thanks for all your help. Wait..is that you stuffing your face?

Unfortunately I did not get pictures of everyone…sorry! I don’t even get a picture of myself…party foul! To my bff ladies far and wide that live too far to be here…man did we miss you.

Here are some of my ladies gabbing it up about world changing topics such as…comfortable bras, good sales happening, what fatty mcfat snack they were going to devour next…

I have to tell you about my favorite thing that happened all night. I told the girls on the invitation that there would be no talk of babies or children…this was adult time. However, HOWEVER….I heard over and over “We are not suppose to talk about this…BUT….I just have to say REAL QUICK…that my baby……blahdity blah blah blah.” Way to go girls. You’re all oaks.

Honorary host..Candace. She took the cleavage thing literally! I almost censored her. She is 9 months preggo. Way to bring the twins Can. Her tan makes me seethe with jealousy.

Amanda…surprisingly…talking! Amanda is the kind of friend who can talk to anyone about anything, seriously…try her…throw out any topic. You just want to take a breath for her once an awhile.

Jackie boozing it up…kidding…she was a good girl.

Steph showing off her sewing skills. She made her dress. How awesome is that?

Erin, my tune master. She makes the greatest CD mixes. I am sure back in the day she was the kid sitting next to her hot pink Casio tape deck taping off the radio.

My favorite cleavage bearing friend, G-Love. Gretchen finds it completely hilarious (I mean annoying) that every year I call her out for not baring cleavage. She could put us all to shame. I love to beat a dead horse,(shocker) so of course I make a big deal about it EVERY year. What G, is this 10 years in a row you have covered your jublees up?

My former roomie and dear sweet friend, Janelle.

Katie, mother of three and one on the way. She is so adorable.

Charity….who can confidently quote from Elf that “smiling is her favorite”.

Adria, my pregnancy buddy. Her son was born 6 days before Bennett.

Oh wait…there is my little noggin. I am in the middle with the nubby ponytail. I really was there. I am saying goodbye to the last of the party goers!