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Let’s Dish-Part II

Published by Kelly July 1st, 2008 in Confessions and Uncategorized. 11 Comments

Oh my oh my. It seems as my predictions of Jesse and Jeremy are only 50% right. Sounds about right for my predictions! Chloe is definitely a girl and Bennett is definitely a boy…but I called it the opposite!

Side note…..the brown dress from last post….a steal of a deal. Burlington Coat Factory $7.99. It is super cute and comfy.

Where to begin? Kindly click the survey so I may know your predictions.

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Jeremy Fantasy Date:

Cold feet, afraid, can’t let his hair down and heart open. Yeah, well, sorry Charlie. Not the time to clam up. It was so awkward at their dinner I was swallowing golf balls for him. Even though I thought she would stick with him, it was so clear after the other two dates that she is MUCH better suited for the other guys. He is such a robot that I can’t warm up to him. I did feel bad for him on the “After the Rose” episode. Those guys are ruthless about him. Can I just be superficial for a moment…of course I can Those eyebrows distract me so much I can hardly pay attention to words leaving his lips. Like two caterpillars died on his face. Poor caterpillars.

So long….farewell….robot….have a good “perfect” life in Dallas. Thank you Coral for the 411 ahead of time. A reader emailed me that her friend waited on him in a restaurant a few weeks ago and he was with a girl he kept calling “babe” and talking about he and Twilley (a.k.a. Captain Dillhole) were partying it up the week before. She was pretty certain Jeremy had gotten the boot, but you never know what their contract says about playing it off until America finds out. Juicy little tid bit, no?

Jason Fantasy Date:

Okay, I admit it he has really really won me over. Much less vanilla, more vanilla with caramel syrup on top. He is still made of pure sugar, but he has a great boyish charm and energy about him. He was super easy going and so sweet on her. I thought they had a great chemistry together. I still want the 411 on the ex-wife and custody situation. Not sure if he has Ty all the time, 2 weekends a month, full custody. Is the mom still involved in Ty’s life. These are VERY important factors for the ole D-Mister to consider when choosing Jason.

I give him a 50/50 chance….get it….

Jesse Fantasy Date:

Sorry, still my number one pick. How fun and cute are they? I loved watching their date and Jesse is definitely getting better looking as the episodes wear on. He isn’t dressing as freaky deaky either. He found the happy medium between bizarre and funky. I was slightly concerned with his answer to “what are you going to do after snowboarding.” I know he gave some ideas of careers he thought would be “fun” and all he wanted to do is “be happy”. Well hop on your unicorn and ride a rainbow. A girl needs some stability not ideas of fun jobs. Might be a strike against him. Still..STILL…I do love me some Jesse. He makes me laugh. Sounds like someone else I know.

Rose Ceremony:

SHOCKER…not really, but kinda. Felt bad for Jeremy. Really, all of them, at this point, has to be tough on the heart. But still…he couldn’t squeeze out one teeny tiny tear, nothing. The dramatic get out of the limo was all he had to show for his broken heart? Moving on…

After the rose Ceremony:

Hot Graham + No ability to share feelings = Hot Mess

Man did he act like a douche. (note to self, he does not look as good with the scruff gone) Deanna handled herself well considering a few little attacks she endured. Dude in the back…Ryan I believe….did he have an ax to grind or what? Get over it, your five minutes are over. Nobody wanted to hear your two cents. I would have rather heard from Fred. Twilley, I am pretty sure was dropped on his head as a baby. I can not stand watching him talk. He is NOT funny and his head bobs everywhere which is very distracting.

I did feel bad for Jeremy when she said announce she was happy and engaged and they pan to him while everyone is clapping which he politely joins in. Twist the knife a bit. Poor guy, even robots have hearts.

That is my two cents, cash it in if you like or put it towards retirement.

So who is dying for next week? I do think she will pick Jason for his stability, but my heart belongs to Jesse, I mean Ryan. WINK!

Here is a little picture for you non-Bachelorette watchers.

Two are better than one. At least that is Bennett’s motto when it comes to chins. I hopped in the crib with Chloe and Bennett and asked her to hold him. This was as close as she was going to get to him. The expression says it all. This angle on Bennett makes him look like Alfred Hitchcock.

Introducing…..

Published by Kelly April 21st, 2008 in Adventures in Pregnancy, Bennett Wade, Chloe Grace, Confessions and For Kicks and Giggles. 17 Comments

NOBODY!

Yes, I am a big fat jerk! You know that twinge of disappointment you just felt…well multiply it by a million and you will know what I feel every time I have a contraction. WHAAAAAA…..get him out of me! Come on, full moon yesterday, low pressure system, afternoon delight with the hubby, I am sipping red raspberry leaf tea as I type this. Contractions on and off all day and all night…but no…not enough to put me into the hospital. This is torture, I would so rather not have any signs then having TONS of signs but not going anywhere.

So yeah, I didn’t want to leave you hanging…still sitting here swollen and tired but really really excited to meet Bennett. With each passing day I get more and more thrilled at kissing my little boy and less scared about labor and having two wee ones.

I do feel like this weekend was a gift from the Lord. This is our first free weekend, Friday-Sunday since December. We had so much fun as a family and the weather was amazing! We ventured down to the community market to let Chloe explore. She had a ball. She also ate her first homemade mini cinnamon donuts. Guess who kept double fisting them? Mommy’s little girl! If food were alcohol she would drink you under the table in a second!

So I will leave you with some more family moments from the market and going to church yesterday.

oh quick belly shot.

Smelling a flower….kinda demonic looking.

Look how tall she is! We had our 18 month check up today….33 inches! She is over half my height already. I am screwed in my own family.

Ry took some cool water fountain shots.

Donut time. The Kettle Corn man wasn’t there…so this was our consolation prize, homemade donuts….terrible I know!

Waiting for mom and dad for church.

And a HUGE thank you to my sister in law, Meridyth, for her very fun package she sent to Chloe, Bennett and me. Lots and lots of special treats. I am afraid she is not willing to share the giraffe with Bennett, she has already carried it all over the house. Maybe it is time to start working on sharing!

If you haven’t made your height/weight wager…remember to comment on the post below for a chance at a pillow or burp cloths! Be kind to my uterus.

Stubborn is my middle name

Published by Kelly March 27th, 2008 in Bennett Wade, Confessions and Kellyisms. 19 Comments

stub·born /ˈstʌbərn/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[stuhb-ern] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective
1. unreasonably obstinate; obstinately unmoving: a stubborn child.
2. fixed or set in purpose or opinion; resolute: a stubborn opponent of foreign aid.
3. obstinately maintained, as a course of action: a stubborn resistance.
4. difficult to manage or suppress: a stubborn horse; a stubborn pain.
5. hard, tough, or stiff, as stone or wood; difficult to shape or work.

OUCH…..I mean I like to think of it as having a “persevering attitude”, can do and will do. But unreasonably obstinate? Well maybe a tad.

So you all know I may have a teensy weensy habit of over-doing it, not taking it easy, okay… being flat out anal. I hear all the time, “Kelly relax, let others help, don’t do so much, don’t lift so much, the dishes can wait…..yaddah yaddah yaddah.” No comprende! Unless magical elves are coming in the middle of the night then I need to get crap done. That is what Ryan is going to put on my tomb stone because I apparently say it so much, “Ryan, did you get crap done?”

So yesterday two of my girlfriends asked if Chloe and I wanted to join them on a walk at Black Water Creek. Ummmm….70 degrees out and we have been in the house all day…yes please! So off we went. This is the kind of trail that is paved, flat and marked every quarter of a mile. Let’s just say I have been dealing with a lot of cramping this pregnancy, particularly in 2nd and 3rd trimester. Most of the time it turns out to be gosh awful diarrhea or just straight up gas….but sometimes it is just that really intense menstrual cramp feeling.

I realized quite quickly…like one quarter mile in that I was not doing good. Mayday, mayday, this ship is going down. Not wanting to be a total wuss because they might be giving out a trophy at the end of the trail for chubby, out of shape, pregnant women…I kept trucking on. Picking up Chloe’s sippy cup for the gazillionth time, chatting and laughing all the while trying to control my breathing. With each step the cramps got tighter and tighter and tighter until I was convinced that 10 monkeys were inside my belly jumping up and down on every possible organ. The kicker is once you get a mile in….YOU HAVE TO GO A MILE BACK OUT. So I casually say that a mile is all I could hack and we need to get back. I was feeling every bit almost 32, out of shape and hugely pregnant with each agonizing step. I had pit stains down to my ankles and felt like the biggest wuss ever. I look over at my glowing friend, Candace, who is 25 weeks pregnant and did a spinning class at 6:00am that same morning and is barely breaking a sweat. Beeotch! (she knows I am kidding) I think my new rule is to find friends who are more out of shape than myself so I don’t feel guilty.

Needless to say, I was a mess by the time I got home. I could hardly move, let alone walk or raise my solid 27lb child from the ground into my arms. My amazing husband was the evening wench getting everything ready so that I could lay as still as possible on the chaise sucking down glass after glass of water. To no avail, I cramped solidly until I went to bed at 11, each and every time I got up to pee I thought I was going to die on the way to the bathroom as the weight of Bennett slamming down into my pelvis once I got off the bed. Am I being dramatic enough? Seriously, it was a killer night. First thing in the morning I still could hardly move and the cramping was ever so present. Ryan made the executive decision to stay home with me to help with Chloe. By 9:00 I decided to call the doctor. I don’t want to over react and I don’t want to under react….so better safe than sorry.

Long story short….after a rather uncomfortable pelvic exam (could her fingers be any shorter? I think her whole hand was inside before she hit my cervix!) I am NOT dilated, I am NOT effaced. I am a little soft, but no biggie. There will be no Bennett on the menu tonight, thank goodness. He needs to stay put for at least 2 more weeks..AT LEAST! I just freakin OVER DID IT…I know, gasp…..MEEEEEEEEEEEE, over do it? Be….what’s that word?????? Oh stubborn…..yeah, okay, guilty! So I was put on bed-rest through the weekend which is sort of a joke because we have a trade show on Saturday. But I have Ryan home today and he called in for tomorrow and we have company all weekend so I have extra hands with Chloe and another male to set up with Ryan on Saturday morning……so there you have it.

Don’t feel too sorry for me I am sitting on our porch on a 70 degree BEAUTIFUL day watching my husband bend over and wash the car…NICE….with a bowl of brownie batter just inches away writing a blog post. Maybe I could get used to the bed rest thing. Now please don’t leave me comments with your tales of whoa of over doing it and having bad things happen during pregnancy, I don’t want to hear it. I also don’t need a lecture, I have my own mom thank you very much. My hand is slapped, I am “taking it easy” as they say and I am thanking my lucky stars for my wonderful husband.

Excuse me while I shovel another mouthful of batter into my out of shape body.

The days are closing in

Published by Kelly March 7th, 2008 in Adventures in Pregnancy, Chloe Grace, Confessions, Life Changes and Photoganza. 21 Comments

I can hardly believe my eyes…just over 50 days until my due date. Of course that is still up in the air…but give or take a few days or weeks.

My addiction for A Baby Story has started again. I find myself clutching my belly and slamming my legs shut during the labor portion and then as soon as the baby is born I start bawling at the miracle that is “birth”. How many times in my life will I be able to witness a real live miracle? God is infinite in his goodness.

Just like any mom about to pop the feelings of excitement, fear, joy, curiosity, and overwhelming “holy crap…I can’t do this!!!” sets in. I am super excited to see and meet Bennett.

Who is this little boy that God saw fit to create for our family when we least expected it? Who is this little eternal soul that we have been entrusted to raise in humility and seeking God’s face for direction? I can hardly believe I am a mother of two. Even to look at my big belly and to look on a calendar at the looming due date…it isn’t sinking in.

My heart and mind are locked into Chloe right now.

She has all of a sudden come full circle back to being affectionate. After she learned to walk she wanted nothing to do with being held. Almost embarrassingly so. Like you pick her up in public and you would think I was a complete stranger as she violently would pull away from me. HELLOOOOOO…..I AM YOUR MOTHER!!!!

Anyway, she is all over me like white on rice lately and I can not get enough of it. Kisses, hugs, “Mehma”…oh my heart is fit to burst. She is my little shadow and I love it.

She is also picking up the family humor and is displaying the most amazing array of funny faces ON DEMAND. Yes, we have our very own performing monkey. I said I would never do it, but I LIED! I can not handle how stinking funny and cute she is. She makes these faces and then dies laughign at herself. She even does it in a mirror to crack herself up. HILARIOUS!

“Being a sassafras”

This one is called, “Make eyes and lips”

This is “Giving Eyes”

This one is aptly called, “Make a face”. It is a cross between a hideous pig face and saying the letter “o”. It is so ugly looking but hilarious…thus me laughing and blurring the shot.

I can’t have a bad day, it is physically impossible for me to go more than 5 minutes without laughing with her. I feel so blessed. If Bennett is half as great as she is I am sure die from complete and utter joy.

Enjoy my sweet cheeks and have a great weekend!

Bennett’s new craving

Published by Kelly January 24th, 2008 in Bennett Wade and Confessions. 29 Comments

I don’t know why, but I have never had one of these until a month ago.

I am not much for Burger King, but we were in a pinch for some food after church a few weeks ago and I decided I wanted beef…lots of it. Let me tell you. I HAD IT MY WAY and it was good. You know mayo on one side of the face, ketchup on the other side. (Party girl!) I love whoppers. I freaking LOVE whoppers. Who knew?

Our plumber came over a couple days ago to draw up the estimate…dunt dunt dun…..anyway, through the course of our discussion he was telling me how he is trying to get my brother to eat bad when they are working a site together. He is a bit “country”…like has a FANTASTIC southern accent. The kind you think people are overdoing but his is 100% genuine. He then begins to say, “I tried to get Jamie to come to Burger King and eat a whopper with me.” But how it came out was, “I tried to get Jamie to come to Burger King and eat a Hwhoppah with me.” You have to put a breathy “huh” sound before whopper and drop the “r” at the end and add a “ah”. It sounds incredible! He isn’t 80 years old mind you, he is maybe 28.

Well the door was barely shut behind him when Ryan and I, in our pious northern cackles, yelled out to each other, “HWHOPPAH!” and then died laughing. We have since beat it into the ground by working it into all sorts of conversations or randomly yelling it from other rooms. You must give it a go…I insist. It feels so good on the tongue.

My favorite southern faux pas happened a few years ago when I was in the hotel business. The head of catering at this really nice hotel…HEAD. OF. CATERING. ….so like she met with everyone big in town to book big events and business things….anyway. She has some of the worst grammar I ever done heard. Classic southern switching of tenses, dropping the “g” on “ing” ending words…..swimmin, runnin, goin, drinkin, etc….

So she begins to tell me how she made a bunch of sausage balls for her husband. Right there is enough material for some good jokes, but I digress. Anyway, the sentence went exactly like this…I kid you not. ” I made all them sausage balls and he eateded them (she then stops to correct her word) I mean eat them all up.”
Somewhere in the world a record scratched and the room went silent.

I am sorry.

EATED-ED?. Is this even a word?

Then you have the brilliant idea to correct your non word with the wrong tense…EAT them all up. I just couldn’t let this slide. I seriously would have had to bite my tongue off. That was fantastic material to make fun of. You can’t write this stuff. Can you guess what kind of car she drives and what kind of sticker is in the window? OH YES I DID GO THERE…….you know it’s true. That is how stereotypes happen.

So please, share with me a lovely grammar mishap story or if you have a craving that drives you to scrounge in cushions for loose change just so you can buy and satisfy the beast. Pregnant or not, we all have cravins!

Oh one more thing…Never ever…ever…EVER read the nutrition chart while exiting a Burger King. It was like a little black raincloud left BK with me. Sniff sniff.