Filtering Life

I know I know I know….and even if I didn’t, one look at my stats, which are taking a nose dive, I would know that “my public” is growing impatient with me. This is where I separate the fair weathered readers from my faithfuls. So pat yourself on the back and consider yourself “committed” to Filtering Life. You stuck out my drought from blogging so I could absorb myself in my family and relax and heal.

Today I took the first pictures of Bennett since he was 3 days old. So I will pepper some photos throughout his birth story. This was his first day at church today and he wore a “big boy outfit” to show off for the lady folk. Already stylin and profilin!

Okay, so let me begin by blowing the dust off my brain and rewinding 15 days. Can you believe he is already a half a month old??? Good night nurse. It seemed like he would never come and now he is over two weeks old.

I will share my “story” and then I will share my “feelings”. Sounds like therapy but without the big bill at the end. This is going to be a long one. Are you in it to win it?

I went to bed around midnight, which would technically be his birth day of May 3rd. I immediately started having contractions. These were the kind that definitely raise your eyebrow and you can’t sleep through.

Let’s look at the pattern I wrote down for how many minutes apart….12, 8, 9, 5, 7, 13, 9, 9, 5, 7, 5,12, you get the picture. Absolutely no sort of pattern. However and this is a BIG however. By 3:00am I was literally putting my Lamaze breathing techniques to work. The contractions were VERY real. This mama has been around the block before. Screw the whole 5 minutes apart thing. I toughed it out another hour in bed and then decided to get Ryan up and go to the hospital. I didn’t want to be foolish twice and risk being turned away, but something in my brain told me this was no false alarm.

As soon as I stood up to get my things together my contractions really took off at a steady 4 minutes apart. By the time we got in the car and started driving for the hospital they were 3 minutes apart. MAMA MIA!!!! All of a sudden November 4th, 2006 came rushing back into my brain. Was I really doing this again? Newsflash…contractions hurt. They hurt really really really REALLY bad. Just in case you were wondering.

We were brought into a holding room around 4:45am and who greets me but my friend Brooke. She was the nurse on duty. She made sure I was comfortable with her being my nurse seeing as she was about to see all my bits and pieces and not to mention in some of the worst pain of my life. I was totally cool with it, she is so fun and laid back. She checked me and I was 6 cm and 100% effaced. Jackpot! I was immediately admitted into a real Labor and Delivery room.

As soon as they admitted me I put up my white flag and asked for the sweet nectar of the gods. GIVE ME MY FLIPPIN EPIDURAL!!!! Unfortunately, much easier said than done. I had to wait another hour while they put the IV in, did blood work and got my paperwork ready.

You do the math. Sixty minutes divided by a contraction every 2-3 minutes. Roughly 20-30 more times I had to enter the 5th ring of hell. Gotta love active labor! You natural girls…kudos to you, but you can keep that.

Eventually, the man of my dreams entered the room. My dear, sweet anesthesiologist. He can shove a 12 inch thread in my spine anytime. Within 10 minutes I had a serious case of “log legs”. Cue season two of The Office!. Oh Michael and Dwight, how I love thee, even while I am laboring away. Eventually, I moved my viewing pleasure to more serious things like the Today Show. A girl has got to know what is going on in the world while in the hospital.

Just like clockwork my body was steadily dilating the last few cm and by 10:00am I was at 9cm…just a tiny little lip of cervix left. At this point I had a different nurse. She was nice, but no Brooke. She told me she would come back in an hour but I knew it would take nowhere near an hour for me to dilate 1 more cm. I realized that if I kept my bed upright my contractions would come ever 1-2 minutes and double and triple peak. If I reclined my bed they would come every 3 minutes and were not nearly as strong. I could also feel a lot of pressure in my “special spot” so I knew his head was very very low and we were getting close to pushing.

Sure enough, she checked me around 10:30 and I was fully dilated! TIME TO PUSH! Chloe took 1 hour and 40 minutes of pushing. This clearly was a different experience. I had them set up the mirror. Yes, I am totally cool with watching the process as unglamorous as it can be at times (pooping on the table in front of your mom and husband….sexy!)

Push one….”I forget, do I hold my breath or breath out?”.
Push two……”Holy cow…is that his head?”
Yup, he crowned at the second push.

This is where my second hero entered the room, Dr. Baker. He stayed 3 hours PAST his 24 hour shift so that he could deliver me. Now that is about the coolest thing ever.

It is hard to explain how the next few pushes went because they weren’t the bearing down, grunting kind. Dr. Baker sorta guided me while he worked his fingers around Bennett’s head to gently pull his head out. So I stayed in the C pushing position and the dialog was something like:

Dr. Baker- “Push a little…pull back…now hold…give me a little more….hold….push a little more….reach down and pull your baby onto your chest.”

It was just that fast and easy. Maybe five minutes at the absolute most from push one to holding Bennett! I so desperately wanted to hold him immediately and I got to do that, goopy body and all… I was kissing and crying my little heart out.

So that is the 411 on Bennett’s grand entrance into the world. It was an excellent labor and delivery, less than 7 hours if we don’t count the midnight to 3:00am contractions. I don’t have one complaint. Maybe the cluster of hemorrhoids and the 1st-2nd degree tear….but that is nothing really.

Now onto the mushy part.

Not so much mushy as eternally grateful to God. A few months before Bennett was born, my friend Joy started a prayer group at our church for expectant mom’s. It was just a few times but the prayer time centered around identifying our fears about pregnancy, labor and delivery and parenting. We prayed over each other and found scripture where God talks about such fears. It was a really sweet time.

I realized I had some very real fears, many of which I have blogged about. I was afraid of raising a son, afraid I couldn’t love Bennett like I love Chloe, afraid of tearing from stem to stern, of Bennett not being healthy, Chloe feeling neglected, that Bennett would be incredibly fussy and difficult, a long and painful recovery, not having Dr. Baker deliver me, being stitched wrong, etc….

I have to list how many things God did for me. There are the obvious things; I had a wonderful labor, Dr. Baker took amazing care of me and my stitches are NOTHING compared to the six months of agony I faced last time. My whole hospital experience was 100% different. I feel terrific, just TERRIFIC after about 3 days. I dare say it has been “easy”. Don’t kill me for saying this, but Bennett really is a dream baby. He is so easily soothed and incredibly laid back even after 15 days…I know this is his personality and it has made my emotional transition with two so much easier.

Most importantly, my fears about not loving him as much as Chloe melted away the second I laid eyes on him. A love so strong and intense swept over me and I was completely and utterly broken over this little boy. I love him so much I can’t stop thinking about him or staring at him. He is wonderful, beyond words. IT is true, you may have to divide your time and attention amongst your kids, but you do not have to divide your heart. My heart has expanded to a tremendous level that I never knew existed. I have that “in love” feeling flowing through my veins. God has blown me away with his plan for our family. He choose Bennett to be in our lives, we weren’t even thinking about more kids when I got pregnant. He knew we needed him, that he would perfectly fit in our lives and hearts. I am SOOOOO glad I had a son. It is a different affection I feel towards him and yet so wonderfully precious and tender. I am thrilled to have a little boy and thank God for the opportunity to experience raising both genders.

Life is good around here. I still haven’t experienced my first day with just the two kids. My wonderful mother is still here and will be here another week getting me almost through my first month with help during the day….so I may have a rude awakening next week when it is just the three of us, house work, and still healing…but I have no doubt that we will do just fine, even on the rough days. My cup is full and running over and I can not thank God enough for showing his goodness to Ryan and me.