First, before I launch into this post, let’s set the record straight. Bennett is no longer this…
Although that only lasted about five days. He is most definitely this….
Can you believe how much chub he has put on. Our little Alfred Hitchcock…but not a weirdo like him. The chins…they are out of control!
Okay, this is one of those posts…lots of pictures, lots of emoting. Choose now to scroll through and see pictures or commit to reading. The choice is yours.
I have had some great friends visit over the last few weeks including my very best friend Dikola. She left a couple days ago and before she left we had our usual time of prayer together. I think we could easily pray for an hour straight. She is my spiritual soul sister. One of the questions she asked me is how is my time with Jesus. Well, now…good question. The key word “TIME” is relative. Those of you with multiple kids, especially really young dependent kids know that your day is filled with the relatively simple and redundant tasks of feeding, changing, playing, comforting, picking up endless numbers of toys and sometimes actually taking a shower and getting ready. My life is no exception except at night I have the distinct pleasure of editing a butt load of photos, balancing our finances for our business and home, and making calls. I know, cue tiny violins. I can’t really complain because this is how I can stay home and be with my children and not have to work a 9-5 job. So I am very thankful for God’s provisions through Kellan.
Anyhoo, so my answer to her was… although times with the Lord are scattered at best, I have found that I am in a constant place of worship and thankfulness because of my kids. It may sound weird or cliche to some, but to others it will strike a cord.
It is hard to explain in words the depth of love I can feel when chubby little arms fling around my neck and a raspy little voice says, “Meh Ma” Nothing extraordinary about that moment, it is just a moment, a moment where this little girl that lived inside of me, came out and has become her own person decided that she wanted to give me a hug. God did that….for ME…so that I can see his goodness and love. He did that for ME. Ordinary? No.
I realize that we tend to tag our days as “good” or “bad”.
“Man those kid were hellions today. Didn’t listen to a thing, didn’t take good naps, threw a pitch fit in public….BAD DAY!” Is it though? Is the WHOLE day bad? Is it really based on behavior? Now I admit the day is definitely peppered with good moments and bad moments but I have realized lately when I turn off the TV, put down the computer, crawl onto the floor and I play with Chloe that I am speechless at who she is and who she is becoming.
Little hands that were once clenched little fists that she didn’t even know were attached to her body, now manipulate puzzle pieces. Dexterity and spacial skills growing by the day. She looks up at me excitedly, proud of herself and makes an elephant noise for emphasis.
What will these hands do in 10 or 20 years? Cure cancer, paint a masterpiece, dunk a basketball? What would thrill me more is if they would hold a Bible, raise in worship, clasp together in prayer, feed the poor, clothe the needy. That her hands would serve.
Now that is just me thinking about her hands. Can you imagine what I thank God for when I see her kiss her brother, walk over and share a toy, clap her hands when we sing praise songs at night, smile at a stranger, wave hi to a neighbor. Little moments of ordinary that are extraordinary to me.
Sometimes I think about how and when you start to love someone. It think back to Ryan and I. Because we were friends for years long before there was romance, I remember being impressed with ordinary acts of kindness that Ryan would do for others. Driving people home, buying meals for people that didn’t have money, taking the time to talk to people that others would easily pass over, never ever ever being late for work, he is always polite, considerate, ethical, and just plain nice. Let me tell you, he was 110% different from the guys I was dating. The love I felt for him was a gradual build. He didn’t climb Mount Everestt or make the baseball hall of fame. He just wowed me with the ordinary. When we have rough seasons in our marriage, I dwell on these truths about him because they are who he is at the core of things and they trump any crappy bump in the road of life we may be working through.
Not to beat a dead horse, you all are smart enough to know where I am going with this. Can I be honest? I mean it is my blog. I find most mommy blogs boring. GASP….but I do. Unless you are related to my kids….nobody wants to read about the little milestones, what they are eating, how they are pooping and sleeping. Have I written about these things…absolutely (my parents don’t live here…and they do care about these things.) I guess I find them boring when that is all that can be talked about. Were you not your own person with your own interests just a few years ago before you had kids. Is there not more about your life and kids, richer, deeper things you can share. Can you not laugh more and poke fun at the silly things that happen during the day?
Can I recommend something? Journal to your children. Even if they are 7 years old, it is never too late. I only write in Chloe and Bennett’s every few months. I just tell them what they are doing, learning, and accomplishing. I talk to them about how I feel about them, what I am praying for, how much I love them and what I am learning as their mom.
My mom wrote a few letters while she was pregnant and they are a treasure to me. To know what she was thinking, feeling, and dreaming about with me in the womb. I wish she had written more.
My last thing is to focus on the ordinary with your children but pray for the extraordinary. I am going to share one snippit of an entry in Bennett’s journal. This was the first time I wrote to him after I found out we were pregnant. I didn’t know if he was a boy or girl and frankly I was still in shock I was pregnant again. I opened up his journal and asked God to reveal to me the things I should pray for this specific child. This is what he showed me.
October 25, 2007
I pray you are humble, putting others first, giving God glory for any and all accomplishments
I pray you are not easily offended or angered but quick to listen and quick to forgive
I pray you have a sweet spirit, you laugh easy, speak with grace, not judgmental
I pray you have a humanitarians heart. That you see the world and your potential to help those less fortunate and you would go wherever God asks
I pray you have a great sense of humor, you look at the lighter side of life
I pray that you would have a strong sense of family. That you would love your sister as one of your best friends. That you would trust daddy and me and that we would give you the space and freedom you need to grow into your own person, but the love you need to always come home.
Lastly, and most importantly, I pray you would love the Lord God with all of your heart, mind, soul and strength and recklessly follow his leading.
So those are my specifics for Bennett. I hope that encourages you and gives you ideas of how you can pray into your children’s character. To see them as future adults and not just praying into the age they currently are. I don’t know one person who doesn’t pray for a baby that is a good eater and great sleeper…kinda a gimme…so think beyond that.
One more thing to confirm God’s blessing on an act like this. One of the things God laid on my heart was to pray that Bennett would be willing to go and serve wherever. This, again, was before we knew what gender he was or even had a name picked. Guess what his name means.
Bennett Wade…..”Blessing, To go” ….coincidence? I think not! I had no idea what his name meant when we picked it, just wanted a good family name. But God did. I love that his name confirms my prayers for his character.
Girl, I am so right there with you. There are days when my “quiet times” are 2 minutes reading a book called “Intimate moments with the Savior” on the toilet. (Now THAT’S intimate!) It’s not ideal, but the days are a blur, and by the time I get both boys bathed and to bed, it’s 8:30, and I’m right behind them because PJ is up a few times a night right now (growth spurt) and I’m totally exhausted. Only to start the whole thing over again at 6 am the next morning.
But God knows this. This is where He has us right now, and if we’re being mommies for his glory and to the best of our abilities, then we’re doing just what He wants us to be doing.
Thanks for the insights - and for the beautiful pictures. Your children are precious.
Wow. This really spoke to me
AMEN to this post! I totally feel you on finding the sweet moments in everyday life and praising God for them. I am still shocked God gave me Abel. The little things he does and his love for life makes me appreciate the small things even more and give God the glory!
I totally agree about praying for our children and really focusing on their character and how they will act when they are adults.
Daily I pray that Abel will live up to his name (Using his talents for God and giving his best to God.)I want him to be a man after God’s own heart, full of wisdom and mercy.
Another prayer that weighs heavy on my heart is Abel’s friends. One day I was talking a walk with him when he was only a few weeks old and we ran into some teenage boys who were really being just “nasty”. From that moment, I started praying that Abel would have good, solid friends throughout his life. For I believe friends really play a big part in shaping their character.
I also have this list called “31 ways to pray for your child”. It is a prayer for each day of how you can pray for your child with a Bible first next to it. I love this list because it reminds me of things I don’t think of on a daily basis. If you want one, I’ll be happy to send it to you.
Thanks for the great post. The last picture of Bennett melts my heart.
Oh and I forgot to add that it is also encouraging to hear you say that you are editing a butt load of photos at night. Just remember, I too am doing that same thing and would LOVE most night to just curl up on the couch and watch TV. Sometimes I want to have a pitty party for myself, but then I remember this is what allows me to stay home too.
Thanks for reminding me to count my blessings!
Ok, I figure it’s time to de-lurk. You got me with this one. I’ve read you for a while (even have you linked on my blog!)
Thanks for being so open with your faith. I don’t have kids (yet), but it’s SO great to see your desire to grow them into people that follow after God.
Beautiful post.
wow. i’m not a mom but my heart just sang as i read this and looked at the pictures. i remember you single and wanting. i remember you getting married and ready for what may be ahead. each time you found out about a pregnancy…….
and this just speaks to that. it speaks to the fact that God answers prayers beyond what we can verbalize. i love this.
and you.
I envy how well you put into words the things that are in your heart. I was just thinking the other day that being a SAHM is the absolute best job in the world! You’ve totally inspired me to get on the ball with catching up on the boys memory books. Also, thanks for the encouragement about praying for your children. Beautiful post.
I have been journaling for my kids since I got pregnant. I have been journaling for myself since I was in high school over 10 years. For the kids sometimes its daily that I write sometimes a few months go by. But it brings me so much joy to think about when they are older and can pick it up and read it and learn about themselves when they were little and take a peak into my heart and the joy they have brought me. Sometimes it very superficial and other times more depth comes out.
Your posts like this that are straight from your heart are the best!
Kelly, boy do you know how to hit the nail on the head!!! I don’t know if you have been over to my blog lately, but it is one BORING blog. anyway, i have had a hand written journal, from me to Peyton since i was pregnant. And Eric (my husband) writes in it occassionally, but i try to write in it weekly. sometimes they are very ‘deep’ entries about what i want for him as he grows and what type of wife i want him to find, etc. but sometimes they are just what he is doing now, how he is progressing and growing, how much he weights now, etc. I even put pictures in it every now and again.
ok - now this post is going to get long. sorry!!!
in may i found out i had a bone tumor - i had broken my arm very easily and the MRI showed that my arm had a tumor inside the bone which caused it to break so easily. i had to go a whole week NOT KNOWING what that tumor was. I was scared to death. you can only imagine all the thoughts that went through my mind. and one of the things that i was so afraid of was what if something happened to me? peyton is so young, he wouldn’t remember me! those journals would be the only thing he would have - and i was so thankful for them (i also have my personal journals too). my tumor was benign and i had it removed and i’m still in therapy to get back the use of my arm - but it was very scary.
i guess this was a long way of me telling you that i REALLY believe in journalling to your children. you never know what could happen to you. A car wreck, cancer, etc. And your children will cherish those journals when they are older too!
Now, I just wish I could learn to write as well as you! You truly have a gift kelly! I really feel like i know you through your writing. Your sense of humor and your “heart” really comes across so well, you articulate what you want to say so well. Ok, i think I’ve said enough.
And the pictures of the kids are gorgeous. As always.
oh, peyton is totally LOVING puzzles right now too! just in the last month or so has he finally mastered them and not ‘whinned’ the whole time b/c he couldn’t get the pieces to fit.
Kell,
I really love this post. First and foremost, it made me excited to think about being a mom one day. I realize that it is never too early to start praying for a child, even if you’re not preggo uyet!
You have a beautiful family!
This was awesome, Kelley. Your thoughts, your faith, your photos.
God bless.
Beautiful, heartfelt post. In one moment I felt guilty because of the whirlwind my life has become and how God has been given the back seat a lot. The next moment I felt inspired. Thank you!
Beautiful, heartfelt post. I felt guilty one second for putting God in the back seat far too often but inspired the next second! Thanks.
I must confess… I stumbled upon your blog awhile back through a friend and have been following your pregnancy and life journey over the last 6 months or so. I absoluetly love this post. I just became a mother for the first time a few weeks ago and totally agree and appreciate what you said. The first or second day we were home from the hospital I was feeding her and asking her what she wanted to be when she gets older. I don’t care what it is that she does as long as she is serving the Lord! I can’t wait to watch her grow up and see what the Lord does in her life. I too have been praying for her that she will come to love the Lord and that her daddy and I will be have the wisdom to guide her that way! May you continue to pray for your children and allow God to use you as parents!!!
Wow that’s really special Kelly.
we had many of those same moments over Naomi, to think that we would not even be trying to get pregnant again now if it was in our hands, and she is almost 5 mos old!! it goes by so fast and they are such a BLESSING, i cant imagine how selfish my life would be with out them, not that we have that much time to read but a good book is “passionate housewives, desperate for God” she encourages moms of young kids to pray in droplets of time throughout the day and embrace your time with a child if they come up and interrupt you, it has been encouraging as i have been getting used to having 2. love ya
Beautiful post (and pics, of course!). I do journal for my daughter and need to pick up a new one for out little pirate coming in September. I feel that same urge (it’s more than that, really) to pray/see/mold my daughter as a future adult. It’s terrifying actually. What wonderful prayers for Bennett! Thank you for sharing!
So encouraged, and challenged and blessed.
You have a way with words my friend.
Way cool. I have journalled for my kids and it’s fun to look back. I haven’t journalled my prayers for them, though. That’s a Super idea!
Also, “What would thrill me more is if they would hold a Bible, raise in worship, clasp together in prayer, feed the poor, clothe the needy. That her hands would serve. ” Goosebumps!!!
i just now had time to catch up on your last couple blogs and was thrilled to see that you love “the bachelorette” too! i agree with you about deanna…i did not care for her on “the bachelor”…she seemed fake. (the fact that she blinks a lot made me think that she was not being totally truthful, but now i realize that she always blinks a lot. must be the camera lights.) i was pissed at brad for breaking her heart…and then she handled herself with so much poise and grace.
so now i love deanna and i absolutely LOVE jason. i don’t think she ever thought she’d marry someone who already had a child, but that hometown date was like something out of a movie. it worried me that she said she doesn’t know if she fits into his life with ty, but i think she believes now that she kid.
i do think jesse is a nice guy, but i think he’s too immature and not really her type at all. i was glad she sent jeremy home…he reminded me of a stalker…and i don’t think she could handle that he didn’t have any parents. she loves big families and his brothers were douchebags.
anyways, sorry so long…may the best man win!
Kel. Thank you for posting this. When you said to me to think about praying beyond having a good baby and into the character of the person I am carrying, I was a little offended. But you challenged me. Because, really, who doesn’t want a good baby? I feel as though I have been experiencing some spiritual warfare (old word choice, but you get the point) about this baby inside me - proof, I know, of God’s spirit resting on this little one.
this post was amazing and challenging and beautiful. And I know it is close to the heart of God.
That was great. I loved reading your prayers for Bennett. Loved this post. And I would read about how he is sleeping and pooping!
Kelly, this post is so lovely. Thank you for challenging me. There are so many prayers we can pray for our children, and I agree wholeheartedly that their character should be at the top of the list. I love to see the wonderful attributes Caroline already exhibits at such a young age. Incredible!
Awesome post Kelly! I wish I had more time to explain how great it was to read these words on this day.—Any chance we could do an arranged marriage with Bennett and one of my girls?:)
What a lovely post. Thank you!
Loved this post, Kelly. I have found having children has brought me closer to God in ways I never thought possible. Looking at them really brings to my reality how good and loving God really is and makes my heart explode with worship and praise. Of course it helps that we both have amazing children
It’s so easy to get caught up in the mundane details of the daily routine that I falter in seeing past the right now. Thanks for sharing your heart and for challenging my prayer life. We’ve always loved laughing and praying with you guys; it’s your greatest strength and you will get through the tough times together if you continue doing them both!
I know you’re still watching after the rose ceremony, as am I, but we need to debrief, sister!
Despite the fact that this is a mummy blog (albeit with fantastic photos) it seems we all still feel the need to follow what’s happening in the lives of the Portnoys. Apparently not all mummy blogs are bad!
Beautiful post. And I’m glad Bennett is no longer FUSSY.
I’m finding it hard to write things other than “what the kids are doing now” as at the moment I have 3 and am a SAHM, and it really is all about them and their lives. But thanks for being encouraging and reminding us how influential we are on their lives and giving ideas of what we can be doing to strengthen them (with God’s help). All my life I wanted to be a mom, but it has been SO hard…that relentless nitty gritty part of discipline and cleaning bums….so it was nice to hear your perspective today.
I have been writing my kids 2 pages of hand written notes on every birthday they have and it sure has been a joy for myself to read back on and hopefully will be for them in the future.
Beautiful…