I know I know I know….and even if I didn’t, one look at my stats, which are taking a nose dive, I would know that “my public” is growing impatient with me. This is where I separate the fair weathered readers from my faithfuls. So pat yourself on the back and consider yourself “committed” to Filtering Life. You stuck out my drought from blogging so I could absorb myself in my family and relax and heal.
Today I took the first pictures of Bennett since he was 3 days old. So I will pepper some photos throughout his birth story. This was his first day at church today and he wore a “big boy outfit” to show off for the lady folk. Already stylin and profilin!
Okay, so let me begin by blowing the dust off my brain and rewinding 15 days. Can you believe he is already a half a month old??? Good night nurse. It seemed like he would never come and now he is over two weeks old.
I will share my “story” and then I will share my “feelings”. Sounds like therapy but without the big bill at the end. This is going to be a long one. Are you in it to win it?
I went to bed around midnight, which would technically be his birth day of May 3rd. I immediately started having contractions. These were the kind that definitely raise your eyebrow and you can’t sleep through.
Let’s look at the pattern I wrote down for how many minutes apart….12, 8, 9, 5, 7, 13, 9, 9, 5, 7, 5,12, you get the picture. Absolutely no sort of pattern. However and this is a BIG however. By 3:00am I was literally putting my Lamaze breathing techniques to work. The contractions were VERY real. This mama has been around the block before. Screw the whole 5 minutes apart thing. I toughed it out another hour in bed and then decided to get Ryan up and go to the hospital. I didn’t want to be foolish twice and risk being turned away, but something in my brain told me this was no false alarm.
As soon as I stood up to get my things together my contractions really took off at a steady 4 minutes apart. By the time we got in the car and started driving for the hospital they were 3 minutes apart. MAMA MIA!!!! All of a sudden November 4th, 2006 came rushing back into my brain. Was I really doing this again? Newsflash…contractions hurt. They hurt really really really REALLY bad. Just in case you were wondering.
We were brought into a holding room around 4:45am and who greets me but my friend Brooke. She was the nurse on duty. She made sure I was comfortable with her being my nurse seeing as she was about to see all my bits and pieces and not to mention in some of the worst pain of my life. I was totally cool with it, she is so fun and laid back. She checked me and I was 6 cm and 100% effaced. Jackpot! I was immediately admitted into a real Labor and Delivery room.
As soon as they admitted me I put up my white flag and asked for the sweet nectar of the gods. GIVE ME MY FLIPPIN EPIDURAL!!!! Unfortunately, much easier said than done. I had to wait another hour while they put the IV in, did blood work and got my paperwork ready.
You do the math. Sixty minutes divided by a contraction every 2-3 minutes. Roughly 20-30 more times I had to enter the 5th ring of hell. Gotta love active labor! You natural girls…kudos to you, but you can keep that.
Eventually, the man of my dreams entered the room. My dear, sweet anesthesiologist. He can shove a 12 inch thread in my spine anytime. Within 10 minutes I had a serious case of “log legs”. Cue season two of The Office!. Oh Michael and Dwight, how I love thee, even while I am laboring away. Eventually, I moved my viewing pleasure to more serious things like the Today Show. A girl has got to know what is going on in the world while in the hospital.
Just like clockwork my body was steadily dilating the last few cm and by 10:00am I was at 9cm…just a tiny little lip of cervix left. At this point I had a different nurse. She was nice, but no Brooke. She told me she would come back in an hour but I knew it would take nowhere near an hour for me to dilate 1 more cm. I realized that if I kept my bed upright my contractions would come ever 1-2 minutes and double and triple peak. If I reclined my bed they would come every 3 minutes and were not nearly as strong. I could also feel a lot of pressure in my “special spot” so I knew his head was very very low and we were getting close to pushing.
Sure enough, she checked me around 10:30 and I was fully dilated! TIME TO PUSH! Chloe took 1 hour and 40 minutes of pushing. This clearly was a different experience. I had them set up the mirror. Yes, I am totally cool with watching the process as unglamorous as it can be at times (pooping on the table in front of your mom and husband….sexy!)
Push one….”I forget, do I hold my breath or breath out?”.
Push two……”Holy cow…is that his head?”
Yup, he crowned at the second push.
This is where my second hero entered the room, Dr. Baker. He stayed 3 hours PAST his 24 hour shift so that he could deliver me. Now that is about the coolest thing ever.
It is hard to explain how the next few pushes went because they weren’t the bearing down, grunting kind. Dr. Baker sorta guided me while he worked his fingers around Bennett’s head to gently pull his head out. So I stayed in the C pushing position and the dialog was something like:
Dr. Baker- “Push a little…pull back…now hold…give me a little more….hold….push a little more….reach down and pull your baby onto your chest.”
It was just that fast and easy. Maybe five minutes at the absolute most from push one to holding Bennett! I so desperately wanted to hold him immediately and I got to do that, goopy body and all… I was kissing and crying my little heart out.
So that is the 411 on Bennett’s grand entrance into the world. It was an excellent labor and delivery, less than 7 hours if we don’t count the midnight to 3:00am contractions. I don’t have one complaint. Maybe the cluster of hemorrhoids and the 1st-2nd degree tear….but that is nothing really.
Now onto the mushy part.
Not so much mushy as eternally grateful to God. A few months before Bennett was born, my friend Joy started a prayer group at our church for expectant mom’s. It was just a few times but the prayer time centered around identifying our fears about pregnancy, labor and delivery and parenting. We prayed over each other and found scripture where God talks about such fears. It was a really sweet time.
I realized I had some very real fears, many of which I have blogged about. I was afraid of raising a son, afraid I couldn’t love Bennett like I love Chloe, afraid of tearing from stem to stern, of Bennett not being healthy, Chloe feeling neglected, that Bennett would be incredibly fussy and difficult, a long and painful recovery, not having Dr. Baker deliver me, being stitched wrong, etc….
I have to list how many things God did for me. There are the obvious things; I had a wonderful labor, Dr. Baker took amazing care of me and my stitches are NOTHING compared to the six months of agony I faced last time. My whole hospital experience was 100% different. I feel terrific, just TERRIFIC after about 3 days. I dare say it has been “easy”. Don’t kill me for saying this, but Bennett really is a dream baby. He is so easily soothed and incredibly laid back even after 15 days…I know this is his personality and it has made my emotional transition with two so much easier.
Most importantly, my fears about not loving him as much as Chloe melted away the second I laid eyes on him. A love so strong and intense swept over me and I was completely and utterly broken over this little boy. I love him so much I can’t stop thinking about him or staring at him. He is wonderful, beyond words. IT is true, you may have to divide your time and attention amongst your kids, but you do not have to divide your heart. My heart has expanded to a tremendous level that I never knew existed. I have that “in love” feeling flowing through my veins. God has blown me away with his plan for our family. He choose Bennett to be in our lives, we weren’t even thinking about more kids when I got pregnant. He knew we needed him, that he would perfectly fit in our lives and hearts. I am SOOOOO glad I had a son. It is a different affection I feel towards him and yet so wonderfully precious and tender. I am thrilled to have a little boy and thank God for the opportunity to experience raising both genders.
Life is good around here. I still haven’t experienced my first day with just the two kids. My wonderful mother is still here and will be here another week getting me almost through my first month with help during the day….so I may have a rude awakening next week when it is just the three of us, house work, and still healing…but I have no doubt that we will do just fine, even on the rough days. My cup is full and running over and I can not thank God enough for showing his goodness to Ryan and me.
Well it’s about time! Just kidding.
Such a beautiful story and I’m so happy that it was such a wonderful experience for you.
Now I’m going to go wipe my tears and go hold my own little wonder, I mean, toddler.
Lots of love to the Portnoy family!
God certainly is gracious !
Glad you had such an enjoyable delivery, it truly makes such a difference.
Enjoy those precious angels !
:*)
I am gad things are going well.. and your delivery was awesome.
Hugs to you and the family!
Hey Kelly! I have never left you a comment before but am a faithful reader
Many many congratulations on your new love!! I can’t believe how big Chloe looks when she’s next to Bennett!
I read your blog daily…well, so the last 15 days have been checking your blog, but that’s ok. You have SUCH BEAUTIFUL children!!
I can’t get over how different he already looks from the day he went home. I’m just in awe. I can’t wait to experience this type of love for the first time. I know it’s got to be almost…surreal. Thank you for updating us all finally. I’ve been on pins and needles wanting to know all the details. By the way, good for you for having a mirror and watching the whole thing!!!!!
Much love from The Lone Star State.
Congratulations on your beautiful family! What a lucky woman you are indeed!
What a wonderful post. Thanks for sharing. Congratulations!
I am so thrilled to hear your entire story. The Lord really blessed you! may you continue to give him glory for all the fears he washed away and the incredible satisfaction you feel now with your brand new Bennett. He is pleased with you Kelly and the way you have given it all back to Him, including Bennett. I am soo happy for you! May He bless me with the same love for my #2 and peaceful delivery just like yours. love you!
hey girl, i was so glad to see that you hadnt gotten back around to us!! enjoy the help, i had jay and my family home for the first 2 weeks until i had to do it myself. my only advice is dont plan anything for a while, not to cook, not to clean…just relax and enjoy them both. i forced myself to nap until naomi was about 6 weeks old, maybe a little younger, even if i didnt feel like i needed it, you never know how the rest of the day will go!! good luck, i am sure you guys will do awesome.
YAY!
So glad to hear things are going so well. What a wonderful birth story!
Bennett is precious and I adore the last photo!
PS-my new curtains are up and I’m lovin’ them.
SO happy for you guys! hugs and kisses from the Gauthiers!
Amen. Wow, yay, thrilled and sending more blessings to your beautiful family!
I am all teary over this story- it’s so joyous! I know you usually want some sassy snark from me but seriously, you just made my ovaries hurt. And that last photo of the two of them? Adorable.
Ouch!
There go my ovaries again.
What a great story, Kelly! He is a little stud–and I know exactly what you mean about getting the chance to mother both genders. Completely different but so the same in love. We’re pumped for you guys. Can’t wait to see more pics–you are worth the blog wait!!
I think anyone who has ever had a child (and probably even those who have not!) can understand that being a Mom of *2* under two, is going to be time consuming. We’re all glad to hear from you and loving the birth story (amazing) and pictures, but we certainly understand where you’ve been!
Hey Kelly,
This is the first time that i have ever left a reply, but i have been a big fan of your blog since i had my first daughter in 2006.
Your children are both absolutley beautiful, and reading about it has of course made me clucky again ( its not hard to do hahaha)
Im looking forward to reading more and seeing more goergus photos of them both.
CONGRATS!!!!!!
HE IS PRECIOUS!!
and hello — high fives for an incredible birth!!! GO BENNETT!!!
what an adorable little brother!!!
you never mentioned, however, HOW CHLOE IS HANDLING ALL OF THIS?!?!
This is beautiful. As are both of your children.
God bless, sweetie.
HE IS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!
Kelly that does sound absolutely wonderful. It’s awesome to hear your labour and delivery went SO well.
I love that last photo of Chloe kissing her sweet little baby brother. Just adorable
I am so glad you had a good labor and delivery. Prayers really can make all the difference
He is beautiful. Thanks for alleviating some of my fears for when I have a second child.
See, of course you can fit a little boy into your heart! And there’s still enough room for Chloe! Enjoy your Ben, especially while he’s easy and small and sleeping well, he’s bound to be a handful as he grows up - all boys called Ben are!
I was so torn - every day I’d check and when wouldn’t see a new post, I’d be bummed for me but so happy for you that you were loving up your babies. Then last night I saw some new pictures and knew a post was coming! Yahoo!
Anyway, what a great experience! And I just can’t tell you how special it is to have a little boy. Of course I have nothing to compare it to, but my boys melt my heart! Congratulations!!
Oh, and are you kidding me with those camo pants? So freaking cute!
Thank you for sharing your story with us. Your little boy is absolutely adorable, just like your little Chloe! Praise God for your easy delivery and the special times that you are having with your family!
He is just so darn beautiful!
Loved hearing about it again - God is so good. Ten long months took you from a time of “how can we do this - two babies under two!” to “how can I live without these two precious beings!” and it’s been amazing to watch the transformation. We love you guys so much and feel so blessed to have been a part of this with you.
Beautiful story–beautiful boy!
*tear*
*sigh*
God Bless you, Kelly and family… God Bless you real good!
I’m so thrilled for you and will patiently wait for any and all posts you care to share with us. Enjoy those wonderful kids of yours!
He has the most amazing eyes! And Chloe looks so sweet with him. Congratulations!
Beautifully done! God is so good!
Truly, truly gorgeous! I just want to squeeze him!! So glad the labor was easier this time and recovery is going well!
Finally, glad I was not your only blog stalker waiting for “the” post. Yeah for a “easy” labor and delivery.
Beautiful post! You truly are blessed!
You really never do get more than you can handle.
Oh, this just makes me so excited to meet our baby #2! It sounds like you are doing so well, Kelly. Thanks for sharing the birth story and all your thoughts and emotions on everything. Bennett is a fox, by the way. A handsome little man, for sure. And Chloe looks about 10 years old sitting next to him! Much love.
Oh the sweetness! Thanks for sharing your story, it is a good one! I can’t believe you had 6 months of recovery last time, oh my word!
Bennett is adorable and Chloe looks so big! Congratulations again.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful family with us. You are an inspiration and hope that true happiness can be had. Congratulations on this newest bundle of joy.
thanks so very much. i just bawled my eyes out at work. very professional.
i am beyond happy for you. and chloe looks like a GIANT. sigh………..perfect kelly. it’s perfect. all of it.
love love love just love love love!!
Thanks for charing Bennett’s birth story. He is SO SO SO handsome!
So happy for you guys and glad Bennett fits in JUST right.
i love it. he’s a heartbreaker already. i’ll keep praying that someday God will bring us closer together so the kids can become more than just cousins. i’d love for them to be great friends. he’s perfect, kel. thank you for sharing your heart through this whole pregnancy. your transparency is refreshing. we love you all…
Ah Kelly…I’m feeling all choked up after reading that. What a beautifully written post. You say it all so well. I’m so glad to hear you are recovering well and your new little fella is such a doll. Kisses to Ryan and Chloe. Jude xxxxx
Congratulations on your little boy! It is so nice to hear you are doing well and have come out on the other side of l&d with a wonderful addition to your family.
Go ahead. Make the 30-week-pregnant woman cry at work. FINE.
So beautiful. I can’t wait, and your beautiful words help assuage some of my fears, too, especially with this being my first!
He’s just precious. I can’t wait to meet my own little boy.
I’ve been checking in and was so excited to see pics up ! So I oohed and ahhed over your gorgeous son yesterday and came back today to read the story..
beautifully written - your love for your babes just bursts out of your post. I remember reading Chloe’s story and now Bennett’s and thinking that I can’t wait to become a mumma and experience the feelings you are going through..
surely the tears and stitches are worth it in the end - i’m just not a fan of pain!
Your story is beautiful and it’s so clear on how good God has been to your family! I am so blessed to read your blog. It’s so encouraging and uplifting. I love the photo of Chloe and Bennett, it is so sweet. Loves to your family-The Weiss’….ps…I Still need your new address…
No way this boy is a newborn. He is already so bright eyed!
Thanks for taking the time to post this story. Praising God right along with you…
And I’m with Dikola - Bennett looks a lot older with his wide eyes. I just love him. Can’t wait to kiss him and hold him in a few weeks!!
Beautiful post Kelly!! It blows my mind how tiny newborns are, just looking at that picture of Chloe and Bennett makes her look so grown up. Did that just happen in two weeks?? I know, it’s the new small addition that totally changes your families photos. Well, I’m so happy for you!!!
Hi Kelly.
I, too, have been patiently haunting your blog each and everyday just hoping to catch a glance of your adorable little kiddos. They are cute! I look forward to the stories, but more imporantly seeing more pics in the days/weeks ahead.
I finally have time to leave a comment….Kelly, he is a beautiful boy! I know you’re so proud. I always love your posts because you’re so honest and sincere. There’s no greater gift in life than a strong, Christian mother, and you are one. You are so blessed!
Oh my gosh he is such an adorable little man! Congratulations on a relatively quick delivery process and more importantly your new addition!
Beautiful. Son & birth story… both beautiful.
Congratulations a million times over.
And bravo on getting to your comp to write this gem up. I’m still in the recovery stage, so my blog is deeply neglected. So goes life for now, right?
OH DEAR GOD! I would never leave! I am so happy for you girl…I just love the last picture most of all…I have almost that exact same pic of my girls shortly after meeting for the first time 2 weeks into miss Rylees life..It brings tears to my eyes just thinking of it….
You truely are a remarkable woman and I can think of no one else that would be better equiped and well rounded to raise to beautiful children..
Good luck!
Definitely worth the wait! So glad to hear things went so much better the second time around delivery wise. It is amazing how much love one person can have for their children. When I look at my three girls and embrace how differently but equally I love each of them I realize what God’s love for me is like, and that no matter who I compare myself to He’s not! There aren’t any #1’s in a parent’s heart, and it is so awesome. Wishing you a speedy recovery and hoping you can take the adjustment to ‘mom of two’ one day at a time! God bless!
I recently found out I am pregnant again, which will make my babies 18 months apart. I love reading about your sweet little boy and how you are making it work with two little ones under the age of two. I’m also encouraged to hear he is just as sweet and perfect as your first (my first is also an angel). Can’t wait to hear about more of your journeys!