So I used the word vacation and immediately you pictured somewhere glorious! Now if I were taking a real vacation, don’t you think I would have shared that with you? I only went to my parents house for 3 days for some serious R and R. I hardly got dressed let alone went anywhere picture worthy. I did get to sleep in, eat amazing meals and go shopping by myself!!!!! Like to a real mall!!!!
So here are two of my adventures…thus the titles. One I am ashamed to say was a complete and utter dumbass move on my part.
First…Starbucks. I am declaring the next generation the “Starbucks” generation. I know you see college students in Starbucks across America…but the next generation won’t know life without Starbucks. This was the conversation in front of me by two girls that didn’t look any older than 11, all by themselves, sporting some serious booty shorts.
1st girl-”Oh my gosh, like I am totally wearing my BCBG Jeans to school first day”
2nd girl-”Oh totally, they are so ridiculously cute on you…what top?”
1st girl-”Like, I don’t know, I have this long sleeve purple Hollister top, but like, I don’t know about long sleeves in August, like you know?”
Starbucks guy (who is like 60)- “Can I help you.”
1st girl-”Yeah, I will have a light vanilla bean with soy milk decaf.” “Oh and whip cream…lots of it” (giggles)
2nd girl-”I will just have a coffee” (YOU’RE ELEVEN!!!!!!!!!!!)
1st girl-(whips out a Starbucks card)”Yeah, like can you tell me what is left on this.”
Then they go over to a table to wait and continue their asinine conversation about 50 decibels too loud so we could all, like, hear, like, their, like, conversation, like, that was so, like, interesting. I know this makes me sound like I am 75…but I just don’t remember at 11 being dropped off at a huge outdoor mall with my friend, with money, walking into a coffee shop and ordering coffee with my butt hanging out of my shorts, talking like I grew up in the valley. I don’t know….call me crazy…but this does not settle well with me having a daughter of my own. I just want to line up all their parents and whack them across the face and tell them to get a freaking clue and LOVE on their kids and spend time with their kids….LIKE now, like okay, like freaking okay?
Okay, now on to my confession. GULP. I will straight up admit I am clumsy…wicked clumsy…but I would not call me ditzy. At least that makes me feel better. I mean we all have our moments but clearly when I walked into Hollister and was assaulted by CRAZY LOUD music, five gallons of cologne up my nose and feeling like I was in a bat cave with all the dim lighting….I lost my mind!!!!
I was trying to be a thoughtful wife and look for jeans for Ryan. Have you ever tried to find a 34 X 36 jean. It is like finding the arc of the covenant. There is a prejudice against tall people and it must be stopped. We bought a few pairs of khakis there last year that were the right length, so I was hoping to score some jeans for cheap. The very very helpful 17 year old summer worker went and made a special trip to the backroom to look. He then brought me the most lovely stack of 36 X 32 jeans for me to look through. For a moment I wondered if it was a joke. I mean he does work at a clothing store and he is a guy…so he…much more than me…should know that the first number listed is the waist size and the length is the second size. We had a whole conversation before he went into the backroom about how tall Ryan was and how hard it is to find a 36inch LENGTH! So I politely pointed out the mistake and he just kinda walked away and said sorry. Go back to highschool genius…also, so glad you can’t drive after dark!
So like you remember the coffeeshop girls right, like right? Well as I was so hardily laughing at their ditzy expense, I was only setting myself up for my class-A airhead move. As I was paying for a shirt for Ryan, I somehow didn’t realize that the debit machine was right in front of my face.
Again…MUSIC, COLOGNE, BAT CAVE…lots of crazy stimuli all around. So I glance about 3 feet to my left and see one and think, “weird, it is so far away”….I move my purse and my coffee about three feet away from the register (big line behind me) and I swipe my card. Nothing…black screen….hmmmmm…swipe, swipe.
Then I look back at where I was standing and low and behold a debit machine appeared out of nowhere. So I humbly pick up my purse, coffee and bags and move three feet back over into my original spot. (starting to slowly sweat, feeling stupid, want to disappear). So then I swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe. NOTHING.
Now I am handy with a debit…what in the world! Well that is because smarty smart pants 17 year old didn’t push the button so I could swipe. So I stand there with my card ready. We finally complete the transaction and I then slide the three feet to the left of the counter again to consolidate all my bags, put my debit card away and get my coffee situated when I spot a sampler cologne and a stack of Hollister cards to spray.
Me thinks to myself, “Hey, I should spray a card and throw it in with Ryan’s shirt so it smells all nice.”
So I grab a card, think to myself again, “Dang, these are thick cards, almost like plastic or something…weird way to test cologne.”
I spray a few squirts, tip the card up to drop it in my bag when I notice the backside of it looks like a credit card. Oh no my friends, this was no tester card, this was a stack of gift cards that I just picked up, sprayed, and am dropping into my bag. WHO DOES THIS?????? I didn’t have the guts to just leave it. I chucked it into my bag, made eye contact with NO ONE, and like, left, like as fast, as like, I could.
Karma….
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i am like, totally rolling, like.
What a great first entry to read! I just surfed in on one of those long convoluted blog-to-blog-to-blog paths and this entry cracked me up. You are completely right about the Hollister batcave. The first time I tried going into one of these I couldn’t even figure out how to get in because they have these strange wooden slatted doors not unlike very large and sturdy blinds at the Hollister near me and I thought they were window coverings!
she is like 11 and she drinks coffee?! that is totally disturbing.
i’m a space cadet sometimes. i can relate to the rest.
OH Kelly! I have felt the exact same way! I’m glad you had a couple days of R & R. I look forward to fun night of pop up video soon!
Stories about young gals like this, are a MAJOR reason why thinking about having a daughter scares the poo out of me!!
That last story was PRICELESS! Thanks so much for the GREAT laugh:) You kill me!
Funny stuff!
And I totally relate to the 34×36 issue. We were trying to find Anthony dress pants for his new lawyer job, and everything had to be special ordered (that’s what he wears, too). And his jacket size is something ridiculous like a 42 double long. I don’t even know what that means, really, except that he said that even that isn’t usually big enough. Ah, these tall, scrawny guys.
Buying jeans for Matthew is never a treat either. Those crazy long legs…
And I hear ya on the young girls. When I was in high school it was cool to wear baggy sweatshirts and cotton pants (or fold ‘n roll jeans). I see young girls prancing around in skimpy tops and short shorts and think I may lock Emily in her room until she’s 20
Hollister scares me. I can’t make myself go in. The music is so loud ON THE OUTSIDE that I can’t imagine what being in there is like. I feel Ryan’s pain. Being a six footer myself it really irks me when I can’t find jeans in tall. Thank goodness 501s were popular in HS or I’d been the girl with the highwaters. Oh and our girls will not talk like this, okay, like, promise me they won’t or I’ll like totally die!
I’m sorry but I’m laughing so hard about the giftcards!
I’m just impressed you actually went into Hollister. I don’t even try.
Yep, still laughing.
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Oh my, you had me grinning till the end… then outright laugh out loud moment.
I hear you about the pains of man-shopping. Hubz wears 31×36. Oh yes, my waist is wider, thankyouverymuch!!!
Like, have a totally great weekend, mkay? Like totally, sweets!
I was in starbucks this week and found the same type of girls there. Three of them! And you know the boys have the waist of their pants below there bum and have to hold them up. What is this world coming to? And yes I feel like I’m almost 75! But the next day a woman at work was telling me she could not find any skirts for her daughter for back to school, that all she could find were hoochi skirts. There are still good mothers of teen girls out there!
I have never heard of Hollister before. Then again I live in a small Canadian town and all we do is pick apples and our wedgies. It’s freakin’ awesome.
Glad you’re back and that you were able to take a break with the ‘rents (I hate that word so much that I actually love it).
That is too funny of a story!
that sounds like something i would do…
what i can’t believe is, you went into hollister? you ONLY go into hollister to pick up a sweet babe.
You just made my day!! I know we would “totally” be like friends and stuff! ha ha
Kelly that is gold!
I went shopping on the weekend and thought the same thing - except I think the girls I saw were about 8 and running around in skimpy outfits, giggling, being generally annoying with their handbags, lip glosses and mobile phones
When I was their age….
but that’s another story! Hope you’re feeling better after some R&R - it’s always nice to go home and not be the ‘adult’ for a while
kelly. you are old.
now, before you get your granny panties in a bunch……..i ‘like laughed a lot, like really hard.’ why? because i agree WHOLE-HEARTEDLY. i look at the girls walking the streets of my town and think, she’s gotta be at LEAST 20 with what she’s wearing. no. 13. my mother woulda KILLED ME. like….fer sure!
Just for the record, in my books… away time = vacation.
So glad that you had, ummm… some good stories to tell later. Hee hee. AND… I really struggle when I teach those kids who are wearing those clothes and talking like that. What do I do? Indoctrinate them against that. Well, not really, but kinda I guess. I have some sweet stories about my grade 6/7s from this last year, hehe.
My husband wears 36 long too and I can NEVER find them! Poor tall dudes! Also, Abercrombie is the only place that sells shirts long enough for his arms, unless he wants them to be wide enough for hefty boys. And I feel so old when I go into those places and can’t THINK because it is so loud. We have had some luck finding his sizes at a place called Ruehl. They are owned by Abercrombie so they have the same shady shopping bags with half naked high schoolers and the same blaring music. Oh yeah, and they are way over priced so we basically only shop the sale racks. I have a great story about taking the stroller in with us. I have never felt so out of place. The old geezers in sweats lugging a massive stroller up the stairs and screaming over the blaring music…like I said, poor tall dudes.