Filtering Life

I don’t even know how to start this post, just be warned…it’s going to be sentimental.

I will take this brief moment to say Happy Fathers Day to my own dad, Steve-O. One of the smartest men I know and financially savvy. He also happens to have a killer mustache! I admire my dad so much for all the sacrifices he made for our family and the relationship we are growing into as adults. I love you Poopsie!

Now onto Ryan. Of course this is Ryan’s first official Father’s Day, one filled with exotic gifts from me like an electric nose hair trimmer, “Walk the Line”, and his favorite meal: hotdogs with mac and cheese and Reese’s Peanut Butter cups. Treasures of a king, I tell ya!

Hey there green eyes, this ones for you!

Ryan,

On March 1st, 2006 you came home to an eager wife who handed you a t-shirt she made saying, “You are going to be the best daddy in the world”….God chose that day for you and I to find out that he had blessed us with the gift of Chloe. You picked me up in excitement with joy across your face and I knew, once again, that I had been given the best life partner I could ever pray for. You were the one I was made to be yoked with in this life, you were the one that I was to have children with…ONLY you can wear the title of husband and father in our home.

Just two weeks later I walked out into the living room with tears streaming down my face sharing the horrible reality that I was bleeding and I thought I was losing our most precious gift. You held me close, prayed with me, cried and grieved at the thought that your fatherhood could be stripped away so quickly. After the first day of 7 that we had to wait you decided with absolute certainty that we were not losing our child and your confidence never waned. You gave me such strength and hope during that time and I do believe it was one of the most amazing times with Jesus we ever experienced as a couple, on our faces, begging him to spare us. We are one of the lucky ones as so many of our friends have had to bear the burden of a miscarriage.

Chloe Grace was the name we chose for our daughter, one with beauty, strength, and God given characteristics. Truly, it was the only one we didn’t argue about. It was perfect!

You were so attentive during my pregnancy, you went to classes about breastfeeding and lamaze, you would talk to Chloe in my belly and tell her how much you loved her. You were my rock and comforter all 9 months.

What is it that makes a dad a dad and not just a “father”? You went into parenthood humbly. You knew you didn’t know it all, it was work, you could not do it apart from prayer and with God’s wisdom, you would make mistakes, but you did have a clear vision for how you would lead our family. I know you were scared at first, holding this perfect, innocent, eternal being in your arms. She looked so much like you at birth and I will never forget how your voice calmed her during her first moments out of the womb. She knew you, she knew your voice and she was safe with you. You were her daddy. I think that is it. I think that is one of the most awesome roles a dad plays with their daughter. A woman’s desire is to be known and to feel safe and cherished, to be listened to and told she is beautiful, just the way she is…anything less than that causes insecurities and sometimes unbearable scars.

It isn’t hard to tell Chloe she is beautiful, she just is…but it is more than that. You are so engaged into her world. Your tenderness, your vulnerability around her, your humor, your physical touch and hugs, and your smile captivate her. She is so taken with you. I wish there was a way to capture the look she gives you when she sees you or hears your voice.

You make her laugh hard….I can’t wait till she finds out how truly funny, corny, but funny you are. You always know how to cut loose and not care what anyone thinks.
Heck, I asked you to do a cartwheel for me and you tried your first one as an adult. I give you a C- on form, but A+ on effort.

I love when you get excited talking about how you can’t wait to have special dates with Chloe on Saturday mornings at McDonald’s. She can dress up like a princess if she wants. You are the kind of dad that will play tea party, and let her put make up on you, and dance and sing silly songs with her. These things do not strip you of your manhood, they only show me even more, that you are a man who puts his ego aside to play hero to his daughter. Those are the things she will never forget, those are the things that make you a daddy.

My favorite thing that you do about 2-3 times a week after you sneak into her room and stare at her sleeping, is say to me, “Thank you for giving me Chloe, I love her with my whole heart.” I will never grow tired of hearing that and neither will she. She is so honored to have you as a dad and I am to be your wife. Happy Father’s Day Ryan! You are the best daddy in the world.

For more Ryan/Chloe photo shoot pictures, take a look here.