So here is the scoop…then I will get sentimental.
My water broke Friday night at 10:00 pm. Conveniently enough, I was on the toilet at the time…how courteous of my uterus. I actually wasn’t sure if it broke or I just had some random rush of fluid. Once I stood up…there was no denying it. As I waddled out into the living room with my bath towel shoved down my pants…my family looked at me and I said very calmly…”Ummmm…my water broke…it is time.” We went into packing mode. I really could not digest the fact that this was happening and that this meant beyond a shadow of a doubt…I was meeting Chloe SOON!
We got to the hospital and my contractions were 3 mins. apart and definitely taking my breath away. I measured at 3 cm. when I arrived. For the next two hours my contractions started to really pick up, in fact, they started getting between 1 min apart if not back to back. By 1:00 am I started saying out loud “I don’t think I want to do this….I don’t want to do this.” The contractions started radiating in my back and it got way too unbearable. I was dilated to 6 cm at this point. My goal was to go to at least 5cm before getting any help. I threw in the white towel and asked for my epidural. Unfortunately, this is not a quick process so I then entered the 5th ring of hell for 30 minutes while waiting for my IV drip, then the anesthesiologist to get set up and finally the sweet, sweet nectar of the gods to take affect. Life was good after that…very good. I was encouraged to rest…but who can rest when you are being checked every hour and you are steadily dilating each hour putting you closer and closer to meeting this precious being you have been carrying for 10 months. I put on the TV and I prayed and sat with eager anticipation for those magic words….”You are ready to push”.
Those words came at 6:25am. It was a very peaceful environment. Ryan was on one leg and my mom was on the other and the nurse sat at the end of the bed doing her thing. Of course I couldn’t feel my tree trunk legs, but when a contraction would come they would tell me to grab onto my thighs and bear down. If there is one thing a person with IBS knows how to do…is push like you are pooping. I decided I wanted to see the birth, so they set up a mirror at the foot of the bed. I am so glad I did this…it not only led to some humorous conversations…it was an incredible incentive to push. Actually seeing her come out is the most surreal and miraculous experience.
On a scary note…when Chloe’s head came out she was absolutely blue. The cord had gotten wrapped while she was in the birth canal and she got stressed and pooped some meconium and swallowed some. They immediately whisked her away across the room and four “yellow coats” from NICU immediately came in and started working on her. They didn’t want her to cry or the meconium would get in her lungs. They just suctioned and suctioned and suctioned and worked on her for 20 mins. I was an absolutely wreck. I was crying with joy…and crying because I was scared. There was nothing we could do but wait. Praise the Lord, they were able to clear everything up and we had her in our arms shortly after.
Now the sentimental part:
There are no words to describe the utter joy and gratefulness I feel when I look at her. She is the completion of Ryan and I in a perfect little eternal soul. Only a God who gives good things could hand pick an angel like this. To think about 34 weeks ago when I was told we may have miscarried her and now I am holding her in my arms…there are no words. To hear the doctor say today, “Your baby is absolutely perfect, I usually have babies come back after 2 weeks, but she is so healthy, bring her in 3-4 weeks”….there are no words. I have prayed and prayed for a baby with a sweet spirit and kind eyes and that is the first thing everyone says when they meet her….she is the sweetest baby!
For me, the greatest joy is what I have learned about redemption. There is so much in my life that I am not proud of and one thing the devil would whisper in my ears for years was I didn’t deserve motherhood. The Lord has been working on my heart and mind for the last few years teaching me about forgiveness of self and His forgiveness. He also has shown me that through his love I have been redeemed, even from things I haven’t humanly let go. When I look at Chloe, I see a tangible picture of redemption. Not only did God give me the deepest desire of my heart…to be a mother…he gave me a beautiful, healthy, sweet daughter whose very presence in my arms makes me weep. I have not been able to talk about her or even get through one prayer without breaking down into sobs. I am eternally grateful for my husband and my daughter…more than that…there is NOTHING I did to deserve this or create her. God has done a miracle within my body and entrusted me with the most awesome responsibility a human can have. Thank you for rejoicing in this process. Thank you for praying for us and with us during the scary times early on and through her whole development in the womb. She will never know the love that was lavished on her while she was being formed….but I pray as she reads the journal I have kept during my pregnancy…she would someday recognize God’s hand on her life from the very day she was conceived.
So although my boobs feel like they are going to blow up, I can hardly keep food down, I am deliriously tired, insanely emotional, and very very sore “down there”….they are mere drops in the bucket of things to complain about.
Look at her…does life get any better?
Hi, you don’t know me, but I came across your blog, and I love this post. It’s amazing and put tears in my eyes. Congratulations on your sweet sweet baby!
what a miracle! what a joy! what a dream come true. redemtion in human flesh. beautiful!
loves
What a beautiful story! Congratulations Again!
AAWWWwWWWwwwww I love it, Kelly. Thank you for sharing that story. It’s incredible and AMEN.
She’s a little poser already! Look at her, looking right at the camera-okay I’m seriously going crazy being so far away. Heather and I are plotting some kind of trip-as soon as we can we will be there! She is absolutely perfect you guys.
Kel you and Ryan are going to do so great with her. She is perfect. When Brian and i talk about her that’s all i keep saying “she’s so perfect” “she’s so perfect” i can’t wait for my turn.. Pray it will be soon!
This journey of pregnancy together has been priceless. I am so thankful that He has some how - after our bad choices - chosen us to be mothers. He is too good to us. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! I’m so bursting with thanksgiving right now.
I’m so happy for you Kelly! love you guys!
Thank you so much for sharing this story with us. She’s beautiful and I’m so glad that you are both happy and healthy!
That is so beautifully written Kelly. I have always said that it will completely amaze me if a parent doesn’t believe in God. How can one not know that a child can only be a gift from God.
I’m so happy for you
We are rejoicing with you and Ryan and our heart burst with praise also. God is so good, and Chloe will forever be a testament to that fact. We love you guys.
congrats on the new arrival! you will have a great time! though remember - it’s only through the grace of god that you will be a successful parent!
What a beautiful post Kelly! I could “feel” the words. God is wonderful and I’m thankful for what He did for you and your beautiful family. Being a mother is the best role to be blessed with, as you know. And it only gets better with time:) She looks JUST like you!!! What a sweet little one! Congrats again:)
Beautiful..the story and Chloe!
Such a beautiful, sweet precious baby. I rejoiced to read your blog today. You don’t know me but I am your sister in Christ. I live in Indianapolis and am a grandma to 9 children. I am just so happy for you and your family and am delighted to hear you giving the glory to our Lord Jesus Christ. Ain’t God good?
Big Christian Hugs to you!
is it bad that i think she looks like mr. magoo?
she is absolutely gorgeous and no doubt is going to have some killer hair when she gets older. we portnoy’s have that going for us.
kelly… you done good. so have you ryan. you both have been an encouragement to me through my walk of forgiveness and i am thankful for that. it’s good to be able to SEE his forgiveness wiggling right in front of you. chloe grace is indeed a beautiful gift.
i have no words. job well done….that’s near impossible for me. i can only say: amen!!!!
i have been reading your blog since you were about 30 weeks. and i just couldn’t wait to meet this little chloe. congrats. she is precious!
i can’t get over how beautiful she is. thanks for sharing your story. and yes, as holli said, we’re plotting to come see the little one (and the little Morykon when she decides to make her grand entrance). I think you guys need to be present at the birth of my first child so i can get some great pics like yours - they’re amazing! well, you do have an incredible subject to shoot, but STILL! post those babies on your business Web site.
Kelly, she is just gorgeous. Congrats. You put your feelings into words so well. Chloe is lucky to have a mom like you. Good luck with everything.
What a beautifully written post! Congratulations again!
Chloe is so beautiful! I love that picture of you with her, and I love this post! I could totally feel what you were saying. Isn’t the love you have for your baby amazing? Little Chloe truly is a miracle, and being a mother gets more exciting and wonderful everyday. Enjoy your sweet baby girl and always remember to give her lots of kisses
I LOVE that first photo. Beautiful mom and daughter… I love it.
Wow! Cant type also have baby here. wanted to check though! you will hear mine soon. Baby was breech, had a c, and he had to be in the nicu for four days for lung problems. All is good now and we are home. Thank God. They simply are perfect! Will chat soon!
Congrats! The great thing about the birth is this: the amazement doesn’t stop. I thought I’d get used to being a dad, but I haven’t gotten over it yet. Enjoy it now and enjoy it later!
Congratulations! She’s beautiful!