Filtering Life

No seriously, what to write? It isn’t like I am sitting home twiddling my thumbs all day, but I am not really doing anything noteworthy to write about. Hmmmmmmm…
Well, Saturday, Ryan and I decided we would take it easy and go to our friend’s pool. They are out of the country and opened up their home to anyone who wants to take a dip. It was hotter than the 5th ring of hell, so I thought this would be a fun afternoon treat. My dad came along with us and we decided to bring Charlotte. We have never seen her swim before, but due to her recent obsession with hopping in the tub and playing and laying in it…we figured she would have a natural love with swimming. Once Ryan and I got in the pool we coaxed Charlotte to jump in. It was hilarious! Truly, dogs have a natural instinct to swim…she looked like a little otter with asthma. Her breathing was hilarious. Everytime she got out of the pool she would run into this field and rub her head, belly and back all over the ground. I realized she kept going back to the same spot over and over and over again and periodically a large black thing would fly up in the air. She was playing with something. Was it a stick? A snake? An animal? A piece of dirt? My curiosity wasn’t strong enough to make my fat -A walk across the lawn in a bathing suit. After about an hour of this routine of jumping in the pool, running out to the field and rolling around I finally got curious enough to go over an check out what was so fascinating with this spot. To my horror, I found a half decayed woodchuck head with the nasty 4 teeth intact! You know how your brain rewinds really quick? I started to replay the last hour with Charlotte. All the cuddling, holding, kissing, and playing we were doing. She kissed us with her dead, decayed, woodchuck tongue funk! I promptly chucked her in the pool one more time hoping and praying the chlorine would do its job killing whatever woodchuck nastiness was left on her. When we got home I gave her a detoxification bath. Every orifice was sparkling clean. The tub looked like hell, but it was worth it.
So I am watching “What Not to Wear”, which I love! TLC is one of my favorite channels and at least I dont’ feel like I am rotting my brain on crappy shows. Have you seen the commercial, on TLC, where the chick walks out in a hideous yellow jacket from the 80’s with huge shoulder pads, a crazy wide belt, and white pumps? The guy at the desk asks where she parked her Delorian…love it!
So curses to Heather Hammond for suggesting the show, So you think you can dance! I am a sucker for dancing shows. It is my childhood fantasy unfulfilled. Lord knows I should have stuck with dance instead of gymnastics. Now I have to live with a lifetime of pain in my neck and back and there isn’t a gold medal on my wall to say all the pain was worth it….SIGH. I loved dancing when I was a kid. If I may have a moment to brag, I was in the advanced adult class when I was 9 years old…I was really good. When we moved from MI to NY I was brokenhearted because I wasn’t going to be able to perform our routine to “We Built This City”. That routine was sweet and we even wore yellow, plastic construction hats. Gotta love the 80’s! Now Ryan and I have been swept into the Wednesday/Thursday night grind of watching this show. Last week, I was so inspired I threw on a sports bra and spandex and came out to dance for Ryan. It was a hideous display of body mass. Let’s just say, “two pounds of bologna in a one pound bag”. I have NEVER been able to wear spandex…now more than ever. It was a hilarious, degrading routine of jazz hands, high kicks and turns. I was thorougly winded by the end and Ryan got a great laugh out of my self-deprication. I’d put a picture on, but I would never live it down.