Wow, where to begin. The last 8 days of Ryan and my life have been like a dream. For those of you who have been on the journey with us, this beginning part is a repeat, for those who did not hear, this is the story. There is no offense to those who may not have heard, we kept a very low profile all last week.
It started last Sunday, March 12th. I went to the bathroom like usual and instead of urine I had blood. Not to be graphic, but it was very dark brownish/red blood. This signifies “old blood” that has lost it’s hemoglobin…either way…pink, red or brown…IT WAS BLOOD!!!! To say I freaked out would be a minor understatement. Thank goodness my mom and dad were visiting that weekend. I came out and showed my mom and Ryan and then sat in a heap of tears and fear. Bleeding is never a good sign in pregnancy, especially early pregnancy. I immediately called the emergency line for my OB. I got a call back about 10 minutes later from one of the most curt doctors in the practice at Women’s Health Center. She basically said that it sounded like I was miscarrying and I had the option of passing the baby at home or if the bleeding got too heavy to call her and I could meet her at out patient. She said there was nothing she could do for me but let life take it’s course. I was in shock when I got off the phone. I wasn’t bleeding hard, but everytime I went to the bathroom there was blood. My normal cramping started to increase to hours on end. The rest of the day was like a bad dream…I had to wait until the next morning to try and get an emergency appt. at the OB to get an ultrasound to see if the baby was inside.
The next day my mom, Ryan and I showed up as the doors were opening to get an appt. We only had to wait about an hour before getting an ultrasound. The good news was there was an yoke sac in my uterus, so we knew this was not ectopic…but there was no baby inside. Once the doctor looked over the ultrasound pictures he said very ominously…..”We Should be able to see a baby by this point, but there are times that you can’t. I can’t tell you why you are bleeding, many times there is no reason at all. Basically, I am giving you a 50/50 chance that you are miscarrying.” He told me to come back the following Monday….SEVEN DAYS LATER!!!! It was horrible. No answer, no baby visible….nothing.
OF course I sought out to find an answer, explanation…something to grab onto. No matter what I read, I could find something hopeful and on the next page disprove the sign. Brown blood isn’t bad…..no, brown blood indicates these kinds of miscarriages. Still feeling pregnancy signs is good, your progesterone is still high….no….if you miscarry you can have pregnancy signs for days, weeks even a month as the hormones slowly leave the body. There was nothing to hold onto in the way of hope. This led to the most amazing week with the Lord and with Ryan that I think I have ever had.
God was SO real, SO comforting, and SO peaceful. Because there was absolutely no explanation for what was going on, I was forced to digest as much scripture, worship music, and prayer time as I could. It was a battle of anxiety versus peace. Ryan and I experienced a whole new realm of praying together, crying together and hoping together. It was awesome. I have to say…Ryan was so confident that the outcome would be positive despite the way my body was going absolutely coo-coo all week. Ryan found the most incredible scripture that we both held onto this week. I Peter 1:8- “Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.”
Sunday night a group of my girlfriends came over to pray over me and the baby. It was powerful and amazing to be surrounded by so many wonderful friends.
Yesterday was nervewracking. My IBS was in overdrive!!!! My mom came back into town about an hour before the appt. We all went back into the ultrasound room with the same technician. The second the “magic wand” was inside on the uterus we all knew. The technician said, “There is your baby.” I burst out sobbing uncontrollably. I could not stop saying “Praise Jesus, praise Jesus, praise Jesus.” We all were in tears, awe, and had hearts overflowing with thanksgiving, even the technician started crying. The moment was too awesome for words. We had all prayed that not only we would be able to see the baby this time, but that we would see the heartbeat. Wouldn’t you know it….a little tiny heart was beating away on the screen. She even let us listen to the heartbeat. IT WAS AWESOME!!!! Without further ado…here is our first baby pics:
When we went to speak with the doctor afterwards. AS soon as he walked in the door he said, “You got your miracle baby!” He then told me that he had downplayed everything last week because he really felt there was no baby and that it was the end for us. He told us that all our prayers came true. It was such a testimony to God’s power. I had a completely empty womb last week and in just 7 days a perfectly sized baby with a heartbeat was on the screen. It is amazing.
Unfortunately, I am still bleeding. It was obvious on the ultrasound that there is a dark spot on the opposite side of my uterus from the baby. He thinks this is where the baby originially implanted which typically heals right up but my hole filled up with blood and “scabbed” over. Something ruptured it last week and it is slowly disappating. We have to keep an eye on it and pray it clears up because if it flares up it could endanger the baby. On a really positive note, the doctor also said,” Once you see a baby on the ultrasound, see a heartbeat and the baby measures correctly, your chances of miscarriage go down to almost nothing.” PRAISE GOD!!!!
So what did we learn or what didn’t we learn is the better question:
- God is powerful, miraculous, and gracious
- Not having human answers is the best way to increase faith in the living God
- God is the author and sustainer of life…no doctor can change that
- Ryan and I learned the ultimate parental lesson…THIS IS NOT OUR BABY…THIS IS GOD’s…HE WILL DECIDE EVERYTHING FOR THIS CHILD, NOT US.
- Ryan is the most amazing husband and support system I could ever have hoped for.
- Pregnancy is a miracle from start to finish!
- God is good and he never left my side for one moment.
As agonizing and painful this last week was…I wouldn’t trade it for anything. God increased our faith and stretched us to the point of almost breaking. I know so many people have lost children through miscarriage and we knew God would get us through that if that were the outcome, but for some reason he decided to sustain this life and we are forever grateful. Thank you all for your unceasing prayers, emails, calls and for just coming over and letting me sob. (Candace 
Jesus is who He says He is.
what does IBS mean? what is ectopic?
so many new words…
“2-Not having human answers is the best way to increase faith in the living God
3-God is the author and sustainer of life…no doctor can change that”
two lessons mark and I also learned on our hard-fought journy of faith, hope, and love! Praise our Gracious Abba for carrying you through this journey and landing you safely in the knowledge of Him that only comes through such enoumous faith! I am so just plain HAPPY for your family..old and new! I am proud of you for “hunkering down” this past week and doing the Good Work He led you into…praise, prayer, and peace. This experience will strengthen you for years to come!
with all my heart..
loves!!
steph
You have witnessed a miracle - those around you as well. We have seen that GOD IS GOOD and this baby is evidence for just how much he loves you and Ryan. Praise the Lord!! And we all rejoice with you!!
I am a fan of Candace’s blog, so I found you that way. Wow! I’m expecting a baby right now, so your story definitely pulled at my heart strings, and my eyes filled up with tears. All I can say is Praise God!!! It’s such an amazing story. I can’t imagine all the emotions you were going through to only find out that your little peanut is in there safe and sound….I will definitely add you to my prayer list b/c I want you to be happy and healthy till this little one is here in this world!
I am in tears and just praising God in my office up in Michigan for the work he is doing in your hearts and in your body. Praise Jesus for the miracle he has given you and for the baby. I will continue to pray, of course, for health for you and the little one. I’m just so overwhelmed. Thank you for allowing me to be part of this journey through prayer. We love you guys!
YES!! I am so tremendously happy for all 3 of you!! I too, along with Heather, say thank you to you and Ryan for allowing us to be a part of this special miracle the Lord has done!! Because your baby and my grandchild will be coming into the world at about the same time..this baby is super special to me!!
So, Kelly, now can I set u an appointment with you as my photographer???
I love you all!! GOD IS TRULY AN AWESOME GOD and there is no other like HIM!!
Kelly, I’m so happy for you guys. We will continue to pray for health, strength, and peace along this journey. Sooooo glad that you are learning and growing so much on this journey. I’m so excited to be a part of it and learn from you both. All our love.
oh my goodness. i can now breathe a sigh of relief. you (3) have been in my prayers and on my heart since i heard….
what an amazing God!
i think he/she looks like you.
I have been able to think of nothing else since I got your email. I want you guys to know that you were in my constant thoughts and prayers and will continue to be. God is so good. Like you always say Kel, “God loves to bless his children!” I got all teary when I saw the first photo! WOW guys! How amazing!
To make you laugh:
When the baby pukes all over your brand new outfit or in the bed with you, or colors on the walls just rember this feeling of joy that you have right now for him.
“We’re really doin’ it Har”
I AM SO THANKFUL AND EXCITED!!!! I love you guys
PRAISE THE LORD! Joyful tears for you and Ryan are overwhelming me at the moment!
I am so thankful that baby “p” is ok. God is so good, Kel i love you guys! thanks for letting us all in on this and letting us pray with you, and feel the pain & joy too! Now.. let the fun begin!
this is going to be the best time ever!
I had noticed your absence from blogging and was praying for your family. I’m so thankful that you have been blessed in so many ways! I’ll keep praying for you guys!
I am excited for you and Ryan. The ultrasound picture is proudly displayed on the desktop of my classroom computer for all to see. I love you both.
Kel - I LOVE the new site! It looks great! easier to find things, pretty and just plain clever. Great work!
ummm… but i just noticed i don’t see my favorite picture of you anywhere…
This is a Portnoy baby - did you expect him not to make an entrance!?! It begins. You guys know I’m so excited about my little neice/nephew - given the incoherent crying message left on your voicemail due to the overwhelming realization of God’s grace in our lives and dances of baby heartbeats in my head. You have been a witness to the women that I work with for months without even knowing it…they asked me last week why you haven’t been blogging, mentioning your seven month anniversary…I was like “Huh?”…come to find out, I showed them your website a few months ago and she bookmarked it and checks it like every day. She’s asked me everyday how you were doing, without fail. She actually read this post before I did.
oh yummy new blog surrounding! i love it! great job!
loves!!
I got tears in my eyes reading this. God is SO good!! (I got the link from Candace’s site)
i’m so happy and still praying with you guys. i love the new layout too.
Wow, what a time you both have gone through and how wonderful your news is. Jim and I will be praying for the 3 of you as you embrace this nifty journey. God Bless
Jim and I will be praying for the 3 of you. What a blessing has been given to you.