***Warning…total chick lamenting***
Okay…I am smitten beyond belief at the two eternal beings that have just joined the ranks of humanity: Isabel Hemeon and Connor Grahl. WOW…I am saturated with new life right now and it is amazing. I am thrilled beyond belief for both families. It is a tremendous honor to walk side by side with your friends and family through their pregnancies. You feel more attached to the child when they are born. This rush of deep love warms you all over the first time you hold a newborn.
It is no secret that my hormones are in overdrive right now. I am merely 4 months from my 30th birthday and the ache to be a mother overwhelms me lately. It was pathetic yesterday. Ryan and I were at the mall to develop some pictures and I wanted to go into Baby Gap and get an outfit for Connor. It isn’t like it was my first time in this store or my first time buying baby clothes…but something about holding up booties the size of my pinky broke me down. I started crying which made Ryan well up. It is so hard for him to understand how deeply I am yearning for this next season, but he is compassionate none the less. It was pathetic…I made him go up and pay because I couldn’t get myself together.
I know God is the author of our desires and this is one I have had as long as I can remember. The walls of our apartment seem to be closing in lately. I am sick of living in an apartment. I am ready to be in a house, start a family, and manage life for us in my kingdom at home. I have to fight this feeling of “it is never going to happen”. That is such a slap in God’s face. He only wants good things for his children, His timing is soverign and PERFECT. He has given me the most amazing husband whom I know will be a tremendous father. EVERYTHING is better when God is orchestrating the timing. So just like Jacob, I am wrestling with God and having a hard time submitting and being faithful to the wonderful and full life he has given me TODAY.
Well…that is my rant of the day.
It’s like you have completely read my mind. I am right there with you and have been waiting for our season and having to fight the feelings of jealousy/envy. God’s timing is perfect…I hold to that truth daily. Otherwise I might just steal someone’s baby or pack up the apartment and move in with some of them…kidding really!! Hold on…He knows the desires of your heart and our season is coming!!
Girl, I hear ya. I was chuckling picturing you losing it in Baby Gap. God’s precious gift of life is overwhelming. Thanks for the rant…
Kelly, you’ve always desired children and I can totally see you with them–lots of little kids running around with big eyes and GREAT senses of humor! I have LOVED watching God redeem your life in different areas esp. watching your relationship with Ryan and I look forward to seeing that cute little belly of yours bring life into this world…
Those children will be the best dressed children…the ones with little flip flops and the latest fashions made in minature sizes!
PROCREATE ALREADY!!!
ryan still hasn’t proven that he doesn’t swing the other way. only offspring will prove to me that he is playing on the right team.
You’ve got my permission. Think Blue. Or Pink. That’s a nice color.
I feel your pain…not so much on the baby thing (babies+Erin=unmixy things), but on wanting what you don’t have at the moment…be strong and courageous. God loves you and has only your best in mind…even when you are crying in Baby Gap.
soon He will give you what you want, kel. I look forward to being there when that happens. hang in there. love you!!
Yo, girl. I happen to know a great lady who was married at 32 and had her first child when she was 33. Did I say she was a great lady? Oh I guess I did. Hang in there!!!
Joey, be nice. We won’t even tell everyone what you and Sam did to Ryan VOLUNTARILY over Thanksgiving in OUR bed! You sickos.
That sounds Way nastier than it really was. I think i threw up a little just with the thought of that comment.
sweet kells.
I know what it feels like to hear “wait” when you want to hear “now!”. May Abba grant you peace, strength, and fulfillment in all that you do and have. May He carry you through this time with a peace that passes all understanding and may He be faithful to HisStory. May He grant you the grace to be still and Know!
loves!
steph
Kelly I love you!!!
I know how much your heart desires the next season, but I think it’s such a blessing that the Lord has given you this desire and that it is impressed upon you so deeply right now. That just means that when it is your time (whenever He deems it so) you will be all the more thankful and will praise His name continually for blessing you in that way. I have no doubt that you will never cease to praise the Lord for your children, and that is amazing and I’m excited for you and look forward to it with you.